Why I Chose Not to Feed My Twins on a Schedule

Last updated on March 1st, 2024 at 04:19 pm

When I first found out I was having twins after two singletons, I had no idea how I was going to manage twice the number of babies. For quite some time I have been a daily user of pregnancy and parenting internet forums, so I started spending time chatting with other twin parents: what to expect during a high-risk pregnancy, what kind of gear I would need, what sleeping spaces should look like, how to feed two babies at once. Due to several factors I made the decision before the twins were born to formula feed. Everyone I talked to online told me I should get the twins on a feeding schedule as soon as possible. If one wakes to eat, wake the other as well, including at night. If I didn’t feed them at the same time, they warned me, I would do nothing but feed babies all day long. I could understand the drawbacks of not puttng my twins on a schedule especially in the beginning when it can take 40 minutes or more to complete a feeding: by the time both were finished eating it would be time to start with number one again.

However, with singletons, just about everyone, including doctors, recommend feeding on demand. Putting my twins on a schedule went completely against what I had done with my boys. Still, I decided to remain open about trying a schedule. From the very beginning, though, it didn’t seem like a schedule would be feasible. Every time I tried to feed them at the same time, one would always eat less than the other and be hungry sooner, or one would sleep after a feed and the other would remain awake and cluster feed. Then, their feeding times were no longer together. When I asked for advice from my internet twin parents, one woman said she fed her twins on demand and just rolled with whenever they wanted to eat. Reading her comment suddenly changed my whole perspective. I felt relieved to have someone tell me that just because I had multiples didn’t mean I had to use a schedule.

Once I made the decision to just feed the babies on demand, my stress evaporated. I didn’t have to worry about whether they were eating together or if one wanted to sleep while the other wanted to cluster feed. I was also fortunate to have A LOT of help for the first several weeks, and for quite a while I only dealt with one baby at a time. When I did have both babies by myself, there were (and occasionally still are) times when I would spend several hours tied to the couch feeding one, then the other, then the first again, then the second again, but overall, I still found feeding on demand to be much less stressful, and it fit better with my instincts to let them eat when they were hungry.

Before my babies were born, I ran into a mother of twins at a maternity store, and she told me that she too had decided not to feed her twins on a schedule, her reasoning that they are different people with different needs. My twins ended up having different needs too. My son, especially as a newborn, would eat very little and needed to eat more often than his sister because he was slower to gain weight. Now they eat about the same amount, but they often cluster feed and not always at the same time. My son likes a long nap in the mornings and my daughter likes her long nap in the afternoons. Now that they are older they do eat at the same time a lot more often, but when they don’t it is nothing I can’t handle.

Another advantage to feeding on demand is that when they don’t eat at the same time, I get more one-on-one time with each baby. Honestly I prefer to feed one at a time because then I get to spend time just cuddling instead of feeding in their Rock ‘n Plays. When one sleeps and the other is awake, I get the chance to play with and get to know each baby as an individual. To me forming a bond is much more difficult with twins than singletons because I must divide my attention so much, and it is nice when I get to spend time with one baby at a time.

Finally, I have never believed in waking babies at night unless they are struggling to gain weight, and I worried that waking my babies would delay them sleeping through the night. My singleton boys both slept through the night early on, and I wanted my twins to do the same. To both avoid being up for a long time with one baby after the other and to let them sleep for as long as they wanted, my husband and I would each take charge of a baby for the night. The next night we would trade so we could get time with both babies and to make it fairer if one consistently slept longer than the other. At first the nights were tough because there were no long stretches of sleep. My OBGYN, who had raised twins herself, recommended dividing the night into shifts so we could get longer stretches of sleep, but it worked better for us to just be responsible for one baby at night. Even though our sleep was very broken for the first few weeks, both babies started frequently sleeping through the night by around 2 months old, and we never woke either of them to eat.

In the end, I decided not to feed my twins on a schedule because that is what worked best for me. Using a schedule can work better for some parents, and that is fine. But I think feeding on demand can work just as well with multiples as with a singleton. My babies are unique people with different needs and preferences, and I would rather let them decide when they want to eat and sleep, not the clock. Above all when parenting multiples, do what works best for you and your babies. Just because a lot of twin parents recommend a feeding schedule doesn’t mean you should do it or that it will be a good fit for you. Everyone has a different parenting style and I think there is more than one good way to manage feeding twins.

Sarah Morel has been married to her wonderful husband for six years, and is a stay at home mom to four kids under five, including infant twins. She spends most of her days chasing her boys around, feeding babies, or struggling to keep the house clean. In her limited spare time, she enjoys spending time with family and friends, reading Harry Potter and young adult fantasy, chatting with other parents on internet forums, and writing. You can find out more about her on her blog.

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