“Why Are You Covered in Poop?” and Other FUN Questions I’ve Asked Since Becoming a Twin Mom

Last updated on March 6th, 2024 at 08:42 am

As a twin mom you’ll find yourself asking so many strange questions, including “Why are you covered in poop?” and many more that you never thought possible.

The rules of having twins are very simple: There are no rules. 

In general, some of the common themes in my twin parenting journey so far include:

• Someone, or something, is always covered in poop. 
• Someone, or something, always smells
• Someone is always hungry (it is me – I’m that someone ?)
• Someone is always crying

I have also learned that being a twin mom means asking unusual questions. Most of these questions will remain a mystery because there are no reasonable answers. 

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When I was younger, there was a handheld game called, “21 questions” where you thought of an object and the computerized game asked you 21 yes or no questions to see if it could guess the object you had in mind. It was eerily accurate.  

In speaking with other twin parents, I have also found that many of these questions are eerily similar to their experiences too. If you have not already asked yourself some of them on my list, prepare yourself, your day is coming.   

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It all starts with one, simple question – get used to asking this question over and over again in the first 12 months of being a twin parent. It is especially fun if your twins need different formulas or breast milk supplements… keeping things separate and twin specific is a lose-lose game. There are no winners.

Question 1: Whose Bottle Is That?

If you exclusively breastfeed, your Question 1 will look something like: Which boob did I last nurse from and which baby did I even feed? To add to the fun, you’ll be asking this question approximately every 2 hours for the first 4-6 months. 

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As the twins age, we spiral into more FUN questions like: 

Question 2: Who pooped?

Question 2a: My goodness, what did you EAT?

Question 2b: How many wipes will this take?

Question 2c: Is that poop under your fingernails? 

Question 2d, 2e, and 2f: Why is there poop on your crib? Why are you covered in poop? How is this much poop possible? 

Question 3: Whose pants are these?

Question 3a: Didn’t that shirt fit you last week? 

Question 4: Where are your socks? 

Question 5: Whose socks are these in my purse? 

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Question 6: Do you want a snack? (Because Mommy wants a snack and doesn’t want to share hers…)

Question 7: Where are you, and why are you being so quiet?

Question 7a: Who colored on the dog? 

Question 8: Where did your sippy cup go? 

Question 8a: …no, not that cup. When is that one from?

Question 8b: Is that milk?

Question 8c: ((gagging)) Yes, definitely milk…spoiled milk. Is that mold? 

Question 9: Who cut your hair? 

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Question 10: Is that a rash?

Question 10a: Is that contagious? (For the love of everything holy, if your brother gets that too Mommy is going to lose it!) 

Question 10b: I wonder if the doctor will just treat both twins without having them both do an office visit? 

Question 11: Why are you hitting your twin? 

Question 12: Who had the toy first? 

Question 12a: When are you going to learn to wait your turn? 

Question 13: Do you want to go outside? (And by outside, mommy means strapped securely in your stroller so she can get a change of scenery without chasing you all over God’s green Earth…in separate directions) 

Question 14: Where is my phone? 

Question 14a: Who stole my phone?

Question 14b: How many selfies did you take?

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Question 14c: That’s cute buddy, can you smile nicely for the camera? Say cheese?

Question 15: Where did these bruises come from? 

Question 16: Ready for your bath? 

Question 16a: Who peed on the floor? 

Question 17: Why are you playing in toilet water?  

Question 18: When will you be old enough to give me fair warning that you are about to puke?

Question 19: Whose idea was it to have ONE MORE BABY? 

Question 20: Is it bedtime yet? 

Question 21: How is it possible to love these tiny, yet devastatingly messy, humans so much?  

Being a parent is hard. Being a parent of twins or more (bless you triplet moms and above) is a new level of an exhaustingly, joyous adventure. The moods and messes change by the minute.  The questions get more outrageous by the day.  

One of my favorite outrageous, and quite frankly disgusting, twin stories MUST be shared with you… 

Bonus Question: #22 – What is that SMELL?

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One day our twins were happily bopping about in the kitchen trying on their older brother’s new cowboy boots. Twin A, Jensen, wearing the John Deere cowboy boots and Twin B, Turner, wearing the American Flag boots. They waddled to and fro enjoying their nonsensical footwear and expanding their firmly rooted shoe fetish. (I’ve never met kids who love socks and shoes more than these boys!)

Per our normal routine, we ventured into the baby dome – aka our living room (we are keeping baby gate companies in business ?) to let them play. As I played with the boys on the floor, I asked my husband Scott, “Do you smell that!?!”

A whiff of rotten FISH abused my olfactory senses!

Scott, having no sense of smell, burst into disgust and goes, “What is THAT!?!” (If he can smell it, you know it is bad!)

We tore the living room apart trying to find whatever the cat had drug into the house and surely left in some untouched crevice. Our cats are 99% outdoor creatures, but the occasional 1% of the time they rush into the house to socialize with the kids.

All of a sudden, Turner waddles past me and I realize the stench is coming from HIM!

As I go to change his diaper, thinking he had left me a present there…I playfully sniffed his feet and said, “PEEEE YOUUU!” Milliseconds later, the smell registers with my brain and I realize the rotten fish smell is TURNER’s FEET!

I stop dry heaving long enough to wipe his feet down with a baby wipe (as a twin mom you reach for whatever is in grasping distance) and grab the cowboy boot I had just plucked off his foot. I sniff the inside and do everything in my power to not vomit on the spot!

Inside the boot, I see what appears to be fish blood and guts without knowing how it got there! (Admittedly I got these super cool boots at a consignment store for Christmas – but didn’t remember that stench on the day of purchase ?)

I tilt the shoe to inspect the bloody insoles further – and a SEVERED MOLE HEAD comes rolling down the shoe into my vision. I freak out and tell Scott I found the stench!

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Mom of the year already in 2020! Turner is smashing disembodied moles between his toes and stinking up my house like rotten fish.

I can deductively reason that our lovely huntress outdoor cat left that in Cameron’s boot as a special surprise when he kicked them off in the breezeway. She loves to show us her affection by catching every critter she can get her claws on. She must have been very proud of that and kindly left it to be found by my toddler’s foot. 

As I mentioned earlier, many of the questions we ask as parents have no reasonable answer.  The last question I’ll leave you with: Turner, WHY DIDN’T YOU FUSS that you were squishing around a dead rodent with your bare feet inside that boot? 

Some things just do not have a reasonable explanation.