Last updated on September 28th, 2021 at 01:44 pm
It was not one of my finer moments in life. I was on my hands and knees on the dining room floor, picking up chunks of cold scrambled eggs that my twins had dutifully tossed everywhere except in their mouths. As we all know, scrambled eggs refuse to be swept, so picking them up by hand was my solution. As I collected the eggs, my stomach began to rumble and I realized that while I had served dinner to all of my kids, I myself was starving. It seemed like a waste to just toss the eggs out when the twins had literally only touched them to throw them on the floor. And the floor was clean-ish…so my dinner that night was cold scrambled eggs. Eaten on my hands and knees, of course, while I picked them up off the floor. Because when you’re a mom to toddler twins, sometimes there isn’t even time for a plate.
Let’s be honest. Moms do some pretty gross things. I’m willing to bet there isn’t a mom out there who hasn’t stuck her nose up to her baby’s hindquarters and sniffed. Or given her baby’s pacifier a quick lick to “clean it. “ There is spit up and boogers and poop and your toddler’s backwash floating in your water bottle. And aside from the gross things moms do daily, there are other things we moms do to constantly sacrifice for our kids. We jam out to “The Wheels on the Bus”, snack on goldfish crumbs, sing “Baby Bumblebee” at bedtime for 248 nights in a row (not that anyone’s counting). We share the ice cream we had hoped to sneak to the laundry room to devour in secret. We pump at all hours of the night to try to build up our milk supply, we buy every type of concealer on the market to try to cover up the dark circles under our eyes, because we do.not.sleep. We scrub the poop out of onesies, and we try to accept the stretch marks, c-section scars, and varicose veins that a twin pregnancy bestowed upon us. We worry, plan, research, and try to make the best decisions we can for our children. We do what we do without pay, without seeing our names on a promotion list, without designated lunch breaks, and without sick days. We wonder if we’re doing anything right. And then some days we see the light in our children’s eyes and know everything is going to be ok.
Motherhood is beautiful and rewarding but also exhausting and lonely. The thing is, as hard as it can be, we love what we do. We love what we do because we love who we do it for. And we don’t do it for applause or praise or gifts or (obviously) a paycheck. Although those things would be nice to have from time to time, they aren’t the things that are remembered. To be honest, I can’t remember what I received last year for Mother’s Day. Or the year before. But I do remember the times my friends and family went out of their way to help. So if you know a mother and you’d like to show her how much she is appreciated on Mother’s Day, here are a few things you can do that no doubt will speak volumes to her and be remembered for many years to come.
1. Help her.
Even if all you do is fold laundry, it is helping. It’s one less load she has to tackle. It might even give her the chance to sit down and breathe during naptime. Even on Mother’s Day there are dishes and diapers and work to be done. Let her know you appreciate her by helping to lighten the load.
2. Let her rest.
If she is a mother, she is tired. If she is a mom of multiples, she is operating on an unnatural level of sleep deprivation. Watch her kids for a few hours so she can rest. If she tries to fight you on this because she is worried about all the things she needs to be doing instead of resting, find out what those things are and do them for her while she rests. The number one response I get from my mom friends when I ask what they want for mother’s day is “The chance to sleep in.”
3. Feed her something really good.
If you know a mom, chances are she has eaten her kids’ soggy leftovers at least once this week. Get her something delicious to eat and then let her eat all of it herself, in peace, while it’s still warm. Preferably off of a plate.
4. Don’t tell her you understand her situation.
Even if you think you do, it is simply not possible to understand what another person is going through. A parent who has never had a set of multiples cannot understand what it’s like to have them. A parent with a spouse cannot understand what it’s like to be a single parent. A parent with healthy children cannot understand what it’s like to have children suffering with long-term illnesses. No matter what the situation is, respect it as hers alone, and resist the urge to try to compare it to yours.
5. Include her.
Call her, email her, text her funny memes. Find things you can do together with kids in tow, like go for a walk. Just don’t leave her alone. She may seem like she has disappeared for awhile. But don’t give up on her spot in the group. In fact, find a babysitter for her and have all the women in the group pitch in to pay them so she can come along to the next girl’s night out.
6. Let her talk.
Most of all, show her you value what she does by letting her talk about it. Ask her questions about her kids. Listen to her funny stories about cute things they did that day, and watch her videos of them. Tell her how happy and healthy her kids look. Motherhood may not be the only thing she does, but it is a huge part of her life. Show her that what she does as a mother is noticed, appreciated, and important. Make sure she knows she is irreplaceable. Point out to her how much her kids love her, especially if they’re too young to say it themselves.
Mothers, believe it or not, do not have super powers. They’re just regular women who get hungry, lonely, frustrated, overwhelmed, and even bored. And while Mother’s Day is a great opportunity to show a mom how much you appreciate her, don’t let the rest of the days of the year go by without letting her know what an amazing job she’s doing. Even if she does occasionally eat cold eggs off the floor for dinner.
Natalie Downey is a stay at home mom to six rambunctious but lovable kids. Her two year old boy/girl twins were the surprise of her life and keep her on her toes. She gets by with lots of help from coffee and yoga and enjoys literature, spontaneous dance parties with her kids, and playing guitar.
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