The Top Ten Twinfant Parenting Struggles

Parenting twins is double the giggles, double the cuddles, but also double the tantrums and midnight wake-up calls. While there are days when you’ll feel like a superhero managing it all, there are also moments when you’ll want to pull your hair out. Check out our list of The Top Ten Parenting Struggles with twins.

Raising twin infants is a whole lot of fun, plus a whole lot of chaos. Here are some of the top twin parenting struggles during the infant stage.

1. Lack of sleep

We’ve all heard those catchphrases: “Sleep when the baby sleeps” or “You need to sleep train your baby.” Well, whether you believe in sleep training or not, those pieces of “wisdom” don’t always translate well to twin parenting.

More times than was fair, I found myself internally celebrating after finally lulling the second baby to sleep…Only to find that ten seconds later, the first baby woke up again. It can really feel like a sick joke sometimes.

Need help getting those twinnies to sleep so you can sleep, check out our Top 10 Sleep Tips for Newborn Twins.

2. Competition for your attention

This one is true regardless of the status of the twin parents (single, married, it’s complicated, divorced, whatever). There will be a time when you are on your own watching both babies at once. Alone.

Both babies will be crying at the same time, and you will not be able to physically console or help both of them simultaneously. You may even have one in a different room. These situations can be incredibly overwhelming, but somehow you’ll get through it. Maybe not without a few tears shed, though (or an adrenaline rush and some heart palpitations).

I found it helpful to assess the situation and tend to the neediest one first (obviously, making sure the other twin wasn’t in danger). Then, I took a deep breath and reminded myself that the babies were okay and that it was not an emergency.

3. Constantly comparing both children

As much as you may try not to, you’ll subconsciously make unfair comparisons between your two kiddos. When Twin B starts babbling a ton around 6 months, you’ll be nervous that Twin A is so quiet. Then, when Twin A starts walking at 11 months, you’ll think Twin B is behind.

It’s difficult not to do this sometimes. But remember, each baby is a unique individual on their own path of growth and development. And if you’re dealing with other people comparing your twins? Feel free to tell them the same thing!  You’re the parent, and it’s okay to stand up for your kiddos.

4. The extra expense factor

Unfortunately, most places don’t care that your babies were born on the same day, and you’ll need to pay full price for both children for whatever the service is. Ah, the glories of twin parenting! This can feel financially stressful at first unless you were planning on having twins from the start. But don’t feel like you always need to buy double of everything (books, gliders, toys).

Whether the babies are the same gender or not, they can share many things. However, some items (cribs, diapers, car seats, high chairs, etc.) will still need to be doubled up on, so be sure to budget for those unavoidable “double” expenses.

5. Additional worrying

I’m sure you already experienced this during your twin pregnancy. But having two babies means double the anxiety and fear that come along with parenting. Twin infants means two little heartbeats to listen to, two chests to watch rise and fall during sleep, and two souls that have tightly nuzzled their way into your heart.

My own twins came with their own unique set of things for my husband and I to worry about. Our twin boy had follow-ups with a feeding therapist, cardiologist, and urologist as an infant. And our daughter met with an SLP, PT, and OT all through infanthood. Whether it was a heart monitor or a child refusing the bottle, I felt like there was always something we were worrying about. Like our nervous system couldn’t catch a break. For this, I turned to breathing exercises and guided meditations.

Got MoM guilt? You are not alone. Read all about it in Unexpected Feelings of Guilt As A Twin Mom.

6. Make it a double 

Doing double of everything comes with the territory of twin parenting. There are extra onesies to fold. An extra photo book to create each month. Extra food to prepare for each meal. Extra smelly diapers to change. Extra medical insurance coverage. You get the picture.

Thankfully, at the end of the day, it also means double the love.

7. Never enough time

It sometimes takes forever to get two infants where you need to go on time. The first time I took my twinfants on a stroller walk around the neighborhood with our two dogs (by myself), it took me an extra 10 minutes just to get out the door.

Maybe just when you’ve finally gotten them both secured in their car seats, Twin A decides it is the perfect moment to dirty their diaper. Then by the time you’ve gotten Twin A re-secured, Twin B kicked off their shoes. The permutations of delay are endless.

So two words of advice on twin parenting here. One, realize that you’re doing the best you can and you will probably be late sometimes. Two, try to give yourself lots of extra time before you need to go somewhere. This can help make sure any hiccups don’t completely derail your timeliness.

8. Scheduling chaos

Get ready to mark your calendar because you will have double the appointments (doctor appointments, dentist appointments, and possibly more). Now, you may get lucky and be able to plan some of them together or at least back to back. But maybe one child needs to see a specialist that the other baby doesn’t. And now your schedule has become quite complicated.

Who will watch the other twin while you are at the appointment? Will you just have to take them both with you? If you are working, will you have enough paid leave or sick days to go to all the necessary appointments? It can definitely get a bit overwhelming at times. So planning everything out as far in advance as you can is very helpful.

9. Making special time for each baby

I often found myself mourning the fact that I never felt like I had enough time to devote to each special child. Getting to watch two beautiful babies grow up together is incredibly rewarding. However, it can be challenging to find time to create a unique relationship with each twin separately.

This is especially true in the early newborn phase when you are hashing out a schedule that works for the whole family. It can seem as though there is so little time to fit all the things in.

Here are two strategies I found helpful for cultivating a unique bond with each twin infant:

• Take advantage of them not always being on the exact same sleep schedule. When one baby woke up early, I would use that time to focus on just them.
• Coordinate with your partner or another family member to take one of the babies while you spend time with the other one. For example, one twinnie can stay home to play with mom. And the other twinnie can go to the store with dad.

Read all about why one-on-one time with each twinnie is so important; One-on-One Time With Your Kids: More Important Than You Think

10. Dodging inapplicable parenting advice + twin comments

Inevitably during your twin parenting journey, well-meaning folks will try their best to give you helpful tidbits of wisdom. Maybe some of it will be applicable. But there’s a good chance that some of it won’t be. I imagine that raising 2 kids under 2 or even Irish twins poses unique challenges as well.

But carrying two babies and then caring for two newborns at the exact same time is just downright difficult. I often found myself politely taking advice from non-twin parents with a grain of salt.

And of course there are those times you embrace awkward twin comments. Like…Do twins run in your family? Are they identical (when they’re clearly not)? Wow, you’ve really got your hands full. Double trouble! And this one that a cashier aimed at me the other day: which one is your favorite? We brace and move on. And repeat.

Want more comebacks to those silly twin questions? Check out Are They Twins? Best Comebacks to Silly Questions About Twins.

Honorable mentions

• Keeping up with two separate baby books and milestone trackers when they’re little
• Finding a daycare that will take on two babies when waitlists are already full
• Having to work through additional struggles of prematurity (if your babies are born early)
• Transitioning home from NICU-life (if your twinnies have a NICU stay or come home with a feeding tube or respiratory support)

It’s no secret that twin parenting comes with unique stressors. But there’s no match for the wisdom and empathetic ears you get from fellow twin parents who have experienced the same struggles as you. Hold on to your tribe. They will help you through all those twin parenting struggles. Don’t have a tribe? Join ours, Twiniversity Membership!

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