The Unexpected Isolation: Twin Mom Struggles

Last updated on April 18th, 2024 at 12:06 am

While the joy of raising two children simultaneously is immense, the daily reality can be isolating. Keep reading to hear from a MoM who uncovers the often-unspoken twin mom struggles of unexpected isolation.

When I first found out I was pregnant with twins, I was blissfully unaware of the challenges ahead. I knew how special it would be to have two babies added to our family at the same time, and even knew it meant getting less sleep. I did not anticipate the isolation that comes with twin mom struggles. Although parenting singletons certainly does not come challenge-free, it can be difficult to relate as a twin mom when things as simple as showering or leaving the house seem insurmountable.

These twin mom struggles are particularly isolating:

Twin Pregnancy: Super Sized and Super Sick

The difference between the pregnancy I had imagined and the pregnancy I experienced was vast. I had hoped to stay active, wear stylish maternity clothes, decorate the nursery, and work until my due date. This was not my reality! I experienced such severe nausea that enjoying pregnancy seemed like an impossible dream until week 30.

Having a tougher pregnancy than my singleton friends, whether it was due to my size, extreme nausea, or just the difference between one and two, made me feel very isolated. It’s not just the physical challenges; it’s also feeling like I’m on a totally different wavelength from everyone else. When I couldn’t join in on activities or enjoy my pregnancy the way they were, it felt like I was on the outside looking in. I found it hard to relate to what they were going through, and they seemed to have no idea what I was going through. I did not expect my twin pregnancy to feel so isolating.

REAL Sleep Deprivation

Twin moms have the added challenge of trying to coordinate two babies’ feeding schedules, plus the logistics of feeding two at once and then establishing some kind of sleep schedule. However, even if you successfully feed/burp/change one baby, that does not mean that the second baby is going to let you go back to sleep! And, just when they do start sleeping through the night, usually, a sleep regression isn’t far behind.

I don’t think anyone but a twin mom can relate to the level of exhaustion that is experienced in the first couple of years of their babies’ lives. Caring for twins in the first few years of their lives is an incredibly exhausting experience that can be isolating. The relentless cycle of feeding, changing diapers, soothing, and trying to get both babies to nap while running on minimal sleep leaves little time for rest or self-care. Friends and family may offer support, but unless they’ve cared for twins, they may not fully understand the intensity of the task. Feeling misunderstood and unrelatable can just increase these feelings of isolation.

Leaving the House With Two Toddlers Without Losing Them

I still struggle with this! When I am home with my twins alone, and my husband is at work, leaving the house seems impossible. A playdate or a group class is spent wrangling them rather than getting to visit with friends. While on a public outing, there is no guarantee they are not going to run in opposite directions. When I take them to the playground, how do I keep an eye on both at once? If I take them out on their bikes, how do I help both up the hill or keep both from pedaling into the street? If I take them out to eat…well, that just sounds awful. There was a time when they would sit in the stroller and be content, but now that they are mobile, there is no holding them down! As a mom with young kids, there is something very isolating about feeling stuck at home or just unable to socialize when you are out.

Surrounded by Singleton Parents

When you’re a parent of twins surrounded by parents of singletons, it can feel like you’re on a different planet. They’re great, but the whole one-child thing just isn’t the same as managing two at once. When they talk about the struggles of raising kids, they usually think about the challenges of having just one. But let’s be real, handling twins is a whole different story! Unless you’ve experienced the chaos and joy of raising twins, it’s hard for them to truly get it. Even simple things like finding a babysitter or arranging playdates can be more complicated when you’ve got twins. All these little differences can make you feel isolated and lonely, even when you are surrounded by other parents.

MONEY

Many people have multiple children with an age gap of a few years between them. When you are a twin mom, you will have two kids in daycare at the same time for YEARS. Maybe you decide to stay home with them because it doesn’t make sense to pay that much for childcare. Either way that money is not yours anymore! It is difficult to give up things you were once able to pay for because childcare costs are sky-high. Plus, you are buying twice the number of diapers, bottles, and in my case, two times the supply of some very expensive formula.

Looking for some money saving tips? Check out Affording Twins in a Financial Crisis.

Twin Jealousy and Competition

Having two kids the same age is a unique kind of sibling dynamic. Since day one, they have been competing for Mom and Dad’s attention. They fight over ownership of toys and clothes, all while trying to figure out their own identity within this twinship. Unless you have a group of twin mom friends, you probably don’t have someone who can relate to this twin mom struggle. Rather than getting to bounce ideas off of other parents, I end up googling my unanswered questions. Thank goodness for resources like Twiniversity!

Does It Get Better?

Twin mom struggles change and grow as your twins get older. My biggest struggle used to be feeding two babies simultaneously. I now struggle with the implications of reaching milestones at different times.

Recently, my twins expressed an interest in doing ballet. The requirement for the class was they had to be confidently potty trained before starting. Only one of my twins had met this requirement. So I signed twin A up and talked with twin B about starting ballet once she was done potty training. That conversation did not seem to stick! As soon as we got there, twin B had a category 5 meltdown. This was only matched in fury by twin A when they closed the studio door, and she could not see me. All other parents looked on as I tried to subdue two screaming toddlers. I was sweating by the time I had them safely back inside the car. Needless to say, I did not make any dance mom friends, and we have not been back to ballet since.

Twin moms are made of a special kind of fiber. Our struggles do not define our experience (although it helps to laugh at them in retrospect). I do find that sharing twin mom struggles is a nice way to relate to others who feel the same way. Especially because these challenges can be so isolating at times. Whether your support system is family, twin mom friends, or an online community, finding people to help and relate to your experience is crucial for getting through those less-than-perfect moments.

Are you in need of a twin-mom squad? Join ours! The Twiniversity Membership allows you to connect with other twin parents (virtually) and gain more parenting education. This membership includes a monthly meeting with helpful topics and expert advice. Plus, you get to hang out with the OG twin mom squad, Nat and Lauren. You will have the opportunity to ask questions, give advice to other parents and just connect with other twin families.