Last updated on October 31st, 2023 at 10:10 pm
There are A LOT of twins out there.
I know this because everywhere I go, people stop me to tell me that they have twins, they are a twin, or they know a twin. Despite advancements in fertility medicine making multiples increasingly more common, people continue to “double look “ when they see me out with mine. People pause to process the notion of two babies at the same time, to ponder the specialness of twins, and to soak up twice the sweetness of babies. Thus, they are drawn to my stroller like magnets.
Twins remain an extraordinary wonder, and this means that people have questions. LOTS OF QUESTIONS. Try to embrace it.
When I first began venturing out with my twins, I found this attention overwhelming, invasive, and bothersome. I was nervous being out and about with my babies alone. Time was not on my side. The moment I left the house the clock began ticking – 2 hours until the ravenous beasts needed to eat again, an unknown amount of time until one (or, God forbid, both) had a complete meltdown, and the possibility of a diaper blowout taunting me. An ongoing to-do list running and spinning through my sleep-deprived mind: “Get diapers, wipes, formula, wait did Shelby poop today? Oh right, she had that blowout in public…that was fun. Alice pooped I remember that. Wait maybe that was yesterday? Get bread, eggs…Alice’s reflux is getting worse, I should try a new type of formula. I should call the doctor. Get crackers, water, fruit. Come up with dinner idea. Get those ingredients. Oh no, someone is crying. KEEP MOVING.”
Determined to get out, get what I needed, and get home, I moved around quickly. I could feel people staring. I could see their thoughts churning and could almost read the questions on their faces. I could hear the murmurs as they passed. “Twins!”
The bold, inquisitive, and prying people stopped me. “Are they twins?” asked everyone. “A boy and a girl?” asked most. “Do twins run in your family?” asked the invasive. “Did you use fertility treatments?” asked the nosy. “Is it really hard?” asked the curious. Fair enough, these are all valid questions, but I really just wanted to accomplish my goal of making it home with everything I needed before my time ran out.
Fortunately, I used amazing car seat covers that completely covered the babies and sort of acted as a barrier. People couldn’t see the babies, and most of them moved on pretty quickly. A select few would actually try to open the covers to peek in (RUDE, and GERMS). If your twins were preemies like mine, you do not want any strangers touching your babies. After my first experience with “touchy” people, I decided to stop them abruptly and say, “Oh sorry, they just fell asleep,” or, “Oh, one of the babies has been sick,” desperate to deter them from coming closer without sounding like a total neurotic first-time-mom of two preemies. I actually considered putting a sign on the stroller that said, “Please do not touch.”
I answered all the questions quickly and curtly, nodded at those adoring my babies, and thanked those who congratulated me. I continued on like this until the days when things became easier. Going out became routine, the babies became more predictable, getting in and out of the car seats/strollers became one swift motion. My nerves settled, and on lingering days of hardly any adult interaction, I actually didn’t mind the “twin paparazzi” that much. It was nice to talk to other adults. To have a conversation that didn’t consist of baby talk. To pick the brains of those who had twins themselves.
With time, the “twin jokes” become less and less funny (not that they were ever very funny) and less original. While most people are genuinely reacting to what they see, trying to be witty, or seemingly complimenting you, it can get a little tiresome.
“You got the two for one deal?!”
“Double trouble!”
“You’ve got your hands full there.”
“Supermom! I don’t know how you do it.”
What I have learned thus far is to do my best to embrace the questions, to be kind, and to take a few seconds out to respond. If I were in their shoes I would probably have the same exact questions. My babies won’t be babies forever. Before I know it, they will be so grown up – and I will be reminiscing about the sweet days where everyone wanted to talk about them.
Rachel Brehm, mother to 7-month-old fraternal twin girls, blogs regularly on eating disorder awareness and insurance denials for eating disorder treatment. Brehm writes for an Insurance Law Blog as well as an Eating Disorder Law Blog (rated as one of Top 25 Eating Disorder Blogs of 2012) focusing her writing on insurance advocacy, insurance coverage, body image, eating disorder recovery, and weight stigma. As a new contributor to Twiniversity.com, Brehm plans to shift her writing on body image issues in the insurance world to include body image issues in the mommy world. Brehm’s writing will address navigating pregnancy and postpartum with eating/body image issues as well as her experiences raising twin girls-and all the “twin moments” that go along with it.
