The Second Time Around With Twins

Last updated on July 30th, 2024 at 02:45 pm

My husband and I always say, “Had we known we’d have a second set we would have paid more attention to the first.” We would have taken more notes to create a type of guidebook to compare the differences, especially since our first set of girls are fraternal and the second set are identical. People often ask how fraternal twins and identical twins are different. The biggest difference we have noticed is in their personalities. The big girls have always been so different but the littles are very similar.

When we found out I was pregnant the first time, we were too ecstatic to care that we were having twins. It was just such a relief to finally get the chance to be parents that nothing else mattered. However, when we found out I was pregnant with a second set, we were in a daze.

Having two at a time is exhausting and financially brutal. But knowing this, at least we were able to prepare. As I watch my little ones, I often ask my husband:

Did the big girls fight this much?
Were the big girls this in sync? (The littles are naturally on the same schedule from sleeping to pooping.)
Do you think they will be as different as the big girls are?

Sometimes we just sit in amazement that we are going through this again. As with singletons, you think, “I did this once; I can do it again.” Everything is just a phase. Kids don’t fling their food forever, they don’t pee on the floor forever, and they don’t wear diapers or drink bottles forever!

Our thoughts with the first set were based more on fear and anxiety because being a new parent is challenging enough in general. But having a second set of twins stirs up a whole new level of emotions. Our main focus on the second set was on making sure both were changed, fed, getting enough sleep, and keeping up with what the other kids their age were doing; hitting all milestones.

There are ways that having a second set is easier and many ways it is much more difficult. So really how is it different? Great question.

Cons

We are more tired than ever before. Getting two ready was way easier when it was just two.
With the first set there were no “role models” showing them how to fight and yell, or to be fearless by climbing and jumping.
The endless questions and comments from strangers about how or why we have two sets. This is definitely the most challenging emotionally because it feels invasive.
Schedules and routines are difficult because the big girls have school and sports that often interrupt routines for the littles.

Pros

Our thoughts used to be, “This is never going to end; I’m never going to sleep again or watch a TV show uninterrupted.” But now we know everything is a phase and we will get through it.
Seeing each big girl with a little one is so sweet. They take great care of each other.
Even though the big girls taught them a few bad habits they also are great role models. They’ve taught them to brush their teeth, get dressed, count, and use the toilet.
No one is left out with an even number of kids.
Who else gets to double their love at once!?

The bottom line of having a second set; it might be crazier, but I’ve done it once and I can do it again.

Kerry Bergeman is the founder and the mastermind behind New2Two.com peek at my life as a Mother of fraternal AND identical twins! Kerry is a full-time stay at home mother of six year old fraternal twin girls and one year old identical twin girls. She also teaches part-time at the local community college and runs Mommies of Multiples on Facebook (a group dedicated to helping moms of multiples with their daily questions and concerns). Her blog, New2Two is about life with twins, dealing with infertility, raising awareness for bully prevention and the challenges of having a daughter with a severe intolerance to dairy. What does she do on her time off? She is the Brand Ambassador of the Twingaroo twin carrier- the first and only ergonomic twin carrier that features a built in diaper bag (yes, that’s her on the box)! She sells Usborne Books to help encourage all to read! She’s bringing the book back one kid at a time!

Are You a New Twin Parent?

Check out Natalie Diaz’s book:
“What To Do When You’re Having Two
The Twin Survival Guide From Pregnancy Through the First Year”

In What to Do When You’re Having Two: The Twins Survival Guide from Pregnancy Through the First Year, national twins guru and founder of Twiniversity (and twin mom herself!) Natalie Diaz provides a no-holds-barred resource about life with twins, from pregnancy and birth all the way through your duo’s first year of life.

Accessible and informative, What to Do When You’re Having Two
is the must-have manual for all parents of twins.

Buy Now

Have you taken your expecting twins class yet? We offer a great class on demand so you can take it on your own schedule! There are so many video modules covering everything from your twins’ baby registry to your first week at home with twins! Sign up today to get started before your twins arrive.

Need some twin parent friends? Get the support you need with a Twiniversity Membership. Benefits include a monthly twin parent club meeting on Zoom, access to a private Facebook group just for twin parents, and a video library of twin parenting lessons. Visit Twiniversity.com/membership to join today!