Last updated on July 1st, 2024 at 05:10 pm
When some people see me and my husband in public with the girls in their strollers or shopping carts, diaper bag filled with enough stuff to backpack across Europe for a summer, and the look of “let’s get what we need and get out” on my face, the common look or remark from other women is “How do you do it?”
I could give a very sweet and put-together reply of, “Oh, it’s totally no big deal! I love it!” and make it look effortless. However, the usual reply is, “Honestly, I’m not sure if I am doing ‘it’.”
If you are reading this as an expectant first time mother, whether you are expecting 1 or 10 babies, and no one has told you this before, allow me to share with you a secret:
No Mother Knows 100% of the Time What the Hell She’s Doing
Seriously.
If I get something right, it is usually 1.) a lucky guess 2.) I’ve asked a mom who has BTDT (been there, done that) or 3.) screwed up the first time and learned from my mistake enough to not do it again.
I’m not what I called a Multiples Martyr. I don’t go on and on and on about how having twins is soooooooooooo harddddddddddddd, because there are times when it’s not. However, I think we’d all be a liar liar, pants on fire if we didn’t admit that parenting multiples IS different. Here’s a glimpse into the good, the bad, and the ugly of raising multiples:
The Good
- Playmates: During the first year, this part is your light at the end of the tunnel. You don’t get to see the benefits of this during that infant stage because, honestly, you are feeding and diapering two babies and they don’t (or at least mine didn’t) really “get” the fact that they could play together. However, at around 13-14 months, they figured out that they could play together. Seeing the passing of toys back and forth (and yes, the occasional fighting over toys) really warmed my heart.
- Companionship: I tell Mike all of the time, “It really is like living with your BFF all of the time!” The girls hold hands, they cuddle together, you hear “Shisshy!” (Sissy) like a game of Marco Polo all over the house, they take care of each other (bring snacks, milk, even feed each other sometimes). It is very cool to have two kids in the house who are the exact same age.
- Attention from People: I’ll admit. I love for people to oooh and ahhh over my girls. They are just so doggone cute and I love it when other people think so, too.
- Double the Love: Very few people get to experience four arms around your neck, the sweet double hold in the rocking chair, a kiss on each cheek at the same time, two voices saying MOMMY! at the exact same time, and the overwhelming love and feeling of four arms and four legs during pregnancy and the all out, take up an entire queen-sized bed sprawl during a family nap.
The Bad
- Double Everything: Twins are freaking expensive. I won’t go into a ton of detail, but when those two little bubbles appear on the ultrasound screen, you really, REALLY start watching your pennies very quickly.
- Monkey See, Monkey Do: If one twin does something, you can bet the other one will try it as well. Couch rappelling? Nailed it. You bit me? I’ll bite back. Hey, your finger fits in your nose, I wonder if mine will, too.
- The Comparison Game: Twins, even identical ones, will never hit milestones at the exact same time. Then, you’re left to wonder if the one who hasn’t hit whatever milestone is coming up next is behind. One good thing about the Monkey See, Monkey Do game is that it can become the Everything You Can Do, I Can Do Better and encourages the other one to catch up. M crawled first, N said “Bump that. I can do that too, and walk.” N crawls for two weeks and then walks. M says, “What the….? I want to try that!”
The Ugly
- The Season of Viral Crap: Most parts of the world experience the four seasons of spring, summer, fall, and winter. We experience spring, summer, fall, and OMG YOU JUST GOT OFF ANTIBIOTICS. WHAT IS GOING ON????????? You can bet if one twin has the crud, sister is gonna get it too. This is particularly exhausting on the momma and daddy, and the co-pay and medicine fund. My advice is to invest in hand sanitizer, cleaning wipes, and hope for the best that if one kid gets the crud, the other won’t get it.
- The Newborn Phase in General: In the early months, we called it “Whack a Mole” like that game at the arcade where the annoying little monster would poke its head out and you have to whack it before it goes to another hole. One is fed and content? You best believe the other is about to get upset. Then, that baby is happy and now the other wants something. Whack a Mole.
- The Probability of Meltdown Doubles: Let’s take everyone back to math class for a bit. If the sampling pot is bigger, there’s more chances for an event to happen. Same with kiddos. The more kids you have in tow, the odds of someone losing their religion in Target goes up, too. This is why I mentioned the overstuffed diaper bag full of goodies for “just in case”. We had a fairly calm, hour-long trip to Whole Foods the other day thanks to Annie’s cheddar bunnies, an Odwalla juice that we opened in the store, and a Dora the Explorer book for each kid. It was a vacation!
- The One-Upper Moms: I have mentioned this before that mothering is not a competition, although there are some who clearly have nothing else to do. This is why I don’t ever play the Multiple Martyr card because I don’t like the “Well, I have two/three/a litter of kids who are all different ages and it is SOOOOOOOOO MUCHHHHH HARDERRRRR” card thrown at me. However, there’s always one…
- The Unsolicited Advice from Someone’s Cousin’s Friend’s Mom’s Sister Who Knows Someone with Twins: Unless your “advice” is “Your children are beautiful and you look amazing.” or “Let me help you fold those clothes”, then go away.
…and a special one for my fellow fraternal twin mommies …and realize it’s all going to be okay.
- “Those aren’t REAL twins.” I actually had a waitress one time apologize to me because my twins weren’t identical. WHAT?! A MoM on my Multiples forum actually had a stranger say to her in a store “Your twins aren’t real twins. They are just siblings born at the same time.” Honest to God, I do not know how those people make it through the day on the nonexistent intelligence that they have.
This was a fun post to write, almost a confessional of sorts. It’s OKAY to admit things get difficult. God knows I really think all of the time that I’m not cut out for this, but then I get to see this…
…and realize it’s all going to be okay.
By: Holly Crider When Two Became Four
