Last updated on September 29th, 2023 at 01:00 pm
Each year I grow my own personal garden in my backyard. I first started the practice when my oldest was only about 20 months old and I was 7 months pregnant with our twins. What started out being a “home bonding project” for me and my son taught me so much more about being a “master gardener” with my own children.
Each year since, I have learned so many mommy lessons as I tend to my garden both as an outdoor gardener reaping a fruitful harvest, and being a mom trying to reap a harvest of three successful male adults. We moms put such high expectations on ourselves and, by our own standards, we usually don’t leave much room for error and further doom ourselves to fail. I have watched seeds in the same soil, the same garden patch, given the same time and attention just not grow or survive very long, regardless of my efforts. Ask any seasoned farmer and they will tell you that there are some things that are just out of our control, but the reality is that us moms often compare ourselves with what we see other moms doing or not doing. It doesn’t help us focus on building up our own confidence in being the best parent/gardener for our children.
So what can we do about the things that we can control? Be intentional.
The following are a list of 5 intentional lessons that have helped me successfully raise my little “seedlings”:
1. Before Starting Your Garden, Think About What You Are Trying to Grow.
I take time to consider what exactly I want to reap at harvest time. I will not plant beets since no one in my family eats them. In the same way, I carefully consider what I want to plant in my children so that when they grow up, I will be able to see this harvested in them.
2. There Are So Many Options for Soil, Planters, Containers, etc., It Really Doesn’t Matter; Just Pick One!
It could be choosing a preschool, choosing a formal school, choosing toys, choosing friends…we moms spend A LOT of time trying to create the best utopic environment for our littles to grow. At the end of the day, that is not what really matters or makes the biggest difference. What matters is how you tend to that seed regardless of the environment that it is in, and how closely you tend to the eventual plant that sprouts. It is easy to get lost in all the hype of marketing options, but for all that it’s worth, use that energy to pour into what really matters in the long run. There is a bigger picture of the forest that you may be missing because you are so focused on the tree in front of you.
3. While That Seed Is Underneath the Ground, You Will Need Patience.
I remember reading a “Frog and Toad” story to my boys when they were younger where Toad decided to start a garden. His friend Frog told him to plant the seeds and they will grow! Unfortunately, Frog neglected to inform Toad that the seed would need some time and patience for it to grow. Toad further went through a tireless day and night effort trying to get the seed to grow and come out of the ground, to no avail. It wasn’t until almost a week later when he had given up and fallen asleep that Frog woke Toad up to share the excitement that what he had been waiting for had finally happened in that the seeds had begun to sprout. In this same way, you can keep the soil in your home moist for your children, providing the best nutrients and vitamins; ensure the correct room temperature and sun allocations through various physical activities, and even talk to your seeds after planting them into your children’s minds. But you really cannot make those seeds grow before they are ready to do so in the right timing of your children’s growth.
4. Look Out for Weeds.
Moms often wonder, “How honest is too honest?” when having deep discussions with their children. The choice to “wait until they are old enough” is often chosen in an effort to protect their child’s innocence. But, ask yourself: how do weeds grow? Weeds are always lurking and waiting to sabotage your hard work. In reality, you are more likely to miss the moment when your child is exposed to topics you think are “too old” for him/her, and further miss the opportunity to kill the weeds of confusion, self-doubt, and fear out of your own discomfort to discuss certain topics. You need to uproot these weeds immediately, otherwise, they can unknowingly spread into the soil you are raising your children in. Obtain whatever weed killers (e.g. close friends and accountability partners), natural powders (e.g. education and positive affirmations) or hired help if deemed necessary (e.g. professional therapy) to get rid of these weeds before they sabotage the fertile nutrient-rich soil that your children deserve to grow in.
5. Take Time to Enjoy Your Harvest.
You’ve invested so much time into growing your children, gone through various challenges (that only you know you’ve had to conquer), and now you are on your way to raising them into adults. Don’t allow fear and doubt to cloud your confidence. Your harvest is growing! Fix your mind on this and move forward, one step at a time. We can often forget that the goal of all of our gardening work was in fact to receive a great harvest. Focus on appreciating the life of this harvest so that it, in turn, can give you increased life and replenishment.
You are a Master Twin Parent/Gardener. There are many other roles that you will come to know and appreciate through your harvest, but regardless, enjoy it to the fullest.
Andrea Ormsby serves twin moms by helping them to get clear on what their next steps should be so that they can mother from a place of strength and courage rather than fear. You can sign up for a strategy session with her via bit.ly/getmomcourage2.
