Last updated on September 30th, 2021 at 10:18 am
When we discovered we were going to be adding twins to this crazy household our teenagers were all in. They were ecstatic, to say the least — after all, my teen son and daughter had been begging me for years for a NEW and DIFFERENT baby brother or sister. At nearly two years apart, there are times when they are each other’s best friend or worst enemy, depending on what day it is and what mood they might be in. So those of you with older kids looking for the light at the end of the tunnel — I hate to be the bearer of bad news but it’s NEVER going to change. Yes…they will argue forever!!
When we sat down for a family discussion about the twins and what this would mean for our family we were very serious and had to make sure the older kids knew what they were in for. Random trips to the mall for Abercrombie and Fitch shopping sprees were out. No longer could mom drop everything to pick someone up for lunch just because. With twin babies that is nearly an impossibility. I would rely on my teens to help me with the twins and with chores around the house. Before the twins I never really minded picking up after them as I was home all day any way. But those days were long gone.
When people hear that we have teenagers and twins we ALWAYS get the same response… “Wow….started over, huh? Are you crazy?” and my response is always the same, “Yup. We started over and yes…we are crazy. But you know what…we wouldn’t have it any other way!” Of course we get crazy looks and people are sometimes taken aback at how far apart our older children are from the younger, but I look at that as a gift. An enormous gift because the man upstairs had to have known I couldn’t have done this without my teens!
Enter the twins. At first we were all living in a fog. The nursery was central in the house so if babies were awake…the entire family was awake. The good news was that my teenagers KNEW mommy had been up all night with twins and usually my daughter would help out after school to watch them so I could catch some sleep before the next round that night. My son, now nearly 18, was at first VERY wary of the twins. They were so very tiny when they came home (they had been born two months early and came home at a whopping 4 lbs each) and so he was afraid to hold them. But as time went on he watched his dad handle them like a pro and after a while he was toting them around like little footballs too!
Though my teenage son is not nearly as hands-on as my teenage daughter (after all, she has had experience with babysitting and he has not) he has been a big help. He even offered to watch them while I took his sister school clothes shopping (an all-day event) and did rather well.
I do have to take a second and brag on my daughter. She is my right hand. My sanity when the ship feels like it is sinking. When the day has been rough (and she can always tell) when she gets home from school she usually will let me sneak off to town to run an errand and catch my breath (though my son has also chipped in on that one from time to time, too!) If I am frazzled and at my wits end my daughter is the calm of the storm. With wise words of wisdom like, “Mama…take a deep breath and just calm down. They are babies and it will get better.” LOL! She has to remind me once in a while that this too shall pass!
At first I was concerned that the teenagers would grow to resent the twins. Ye,s they agreed to give up certain things — but did they really understand what that meant? I’ve asked them a few times if they regret the things they’ve had to give up (mom’s time being the most important) and they both adamantly tell me they would not trade our twins for any amount of teenage stuff or even mom’s time! Of course our teenagers are rewarded for their helping hands (ie. iPhones, Kindles, concert tickets, and the like!) and we try to make sure they know they are JUST as loved and important as the two newer members.
These past two years have shown me what amazing teenagers I have raised. There are times when they frustrate me (as all teenagers do) but when the going gets tough they show me again and again that my husband and I are doing alright with bringing two great beings to society. They have again and again, a thousand times over, shown me that I am a good mom and there are days when I really need to know and hear that.
If you are expecting twins and have teenagers, consider yourself blessed. I can tell you that there is nothing more rewarding than seeing your pre-adult children step up to the plate like the amazing people they are. I can tell you that you are STILL going to get frustrated at your teenagers even though they are a huge help. You are still going to worry incessantly about them when they are away from home. Those “mama” fears are still there… “Am I showing them enough that they are loved too?” and “Do I spend enough time with them?” But just WATCH them rise to the occasion and show you. Have faith in your abilities as a parent of a teen and as a parent of twins! Relax and be glad that you have something a great deal of twin parents would love to have….help. 🙂
– Deanna Burkett, Twiniversity MoM Squad
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