Teaching Multiples to Share

Last updated on December 2nd, 2023 at 11:44 am

Hey gang! We’ve got a great article for you on teaching multiples to share and take turns.

Several months ago I read an article from a writer whose perspective was very different than mine. The article suggested that we should not teach our children to share, rather to accept “real world” experiences. As I read further into the article it also suggested that our children shouldn’t have to give up something that is theirs, just because another child wants to play with it. In addition to the article, I read several comments in response to the writer’s recommendations. I was shocked to learn how controversial this topic really was.

I pondered this article for many weeks to follow. I understand where the writer is coming from. Every child needs to learn that they cannot have everything they want exactly when they want it. I get that! I do believe, however, that there is great value in teaching your children how to share. There is, of course, a positive way of teaching our multiples these values and helping them to understand when sharing is, and is not, appropriate.

Think about the value of sharing in your own life. It is demonstrated when you give to those in need. When you pay it forward after another person has so freely given to you. Sharing is offered in the service you give to your neighbors. It is in your talents that you allow others to enjoy. Sharing is a value that teaches compassion and kindness. I like to think that ‘sharing’ is selfless.

One evening when our twins were about 6 months old, we watched the “binky fight”. There was panic, there was struggle, and then came heartbreak. This was the first moment I really remember thinking to myself, “…and so it begins.” I looked at my husband and said, “It is time to buy two of everything!”

That is how to resolve it, right?

To answer that question, I will first address that any child under the age of 2 ½ is not likely going to fully accept the concept of sharing. That is not to say that we shouldn’t help them to understand what it means to share, but we should absolutely never force a “baby” to share. Instead we lead by example.

Between the ages of 3 and 5, our toddlers will start to understand what it means to share. This is not to say they will “offer up” what they have on a regular basis, but by guiding them, we can help them to see the value in “playing with others.” Sharing is HARD!! The truth is; we as adults don’t want to share everything that we have, right? So why should we expect our toddlers to?

Here are my tips in guiding our toddlers to sharing success:

Special Things Are off Limits

We all have objects that are special to us. These are the items we don’t want our toddlers to touch, our partners to bug, or others to borrow. They have great value to us. It is important to remember that our children have these things too. Like the binky! Take the time to identify certain items that are special to your children. It is OK to put these items away before a play date and they don’t need to share it. Your multiples will compete for many things in their early stages. Help them to understand that certain things are secure. Often times these are comfort items and giving them up could be very traumatic. It may be as simple like a Matchbox car, a doll, or a blanket. By helping them to understand that certain items are secure, they will be more confident with sharing other items of less value to them.

Lead by Example

Our children learn from us. If you want them to learn to share, you must first be willing to demonstrate how to share. There are several things we can do with our children to teach them the importance of sharing or giving to others:

Play Games

Playing games with your toddlers not only provides you the opportunity to spend quality time with them, but you can choose games that teach them to take turns. Teaching your child to share is really all about teaching them how to take turns. In fact, it is encouraged that we remove the word “share” and say “your turn”, to help them identify that a period of time is associated with sharing a specific item. Even working on a puzzle and taking turns putting the pieces where they go will help your toddlers learn how to be patient and to associate time with sharing.

Plan Meals

How many times have you watched one multiple steal food off sister’s or brother’s plate? Instead of always giving your twins their own plates, try putting a plate of food between them and teach them to divide it. This technique works best with snacks like crackers, fruit, or veggies. You can start this when they are really little. Don’t be surprised if mayhem breaks out the first few times you try this. Stick with it. Our girls often fed each other! This technique helps them to identify that they cannot have it all, but to share a portion with others.

Offer Service

Think of an act of service that you can perform with your twins. Bake cookies with them and deliver them to a neighbor. Rake a neighbor’s leaves. Pick flowers and take them to an elderly neighbor with a note. Show them the importance of doing random acts of kindness. This may sound like a complicated concept for our little ones to grasp, but they will associate these kind gestures and will want to give more freely.

Provide Positive Feedback

As you see your toddlers learning to share, praise them! Recognize them in positive ways for sharing. If you have a specific sticker chart or reward system, incorporate the principle of sharing as something they can do to seek rewards or positive recognition.

Don’t Buy Two of Everything

Not only can buying two of everything get expensive, but it doesn’t teach your children to share. We do not own two of everything in our home. We have ‘buckets’ and ‘bins’ as I like to call them. We combine everything (except the special things) and everything has a bucket or a bin that it goes into. We try to buy toys that both of the girls can play with together. Of course they will occasionally fight over a toy, but they learn to work it out, and they learn to play together. We do have two bicycles, and two baseball mitts. It is necessary for them not to share certain items, but overall they can share (as most siblings do) a good number of toys, and it is not necessary to buy two play airplanes, or two doll beds.

I believe that teaching our multiples the value of sharing is equal to teaching them the importance of loving. It is a value that will provide them with a selfless outlook on life. Teaching our twins to share does prepare them for real world experiences. It is all about how you perceive things.

Minden Buckingham lives in Portland, Oregon with her husband Mike and fraternal twin girls, Hanna and Emma. She has two bachelor degrees from Portland State University in Business Management and Human Resources Management. Minden is a stay home mom and enjoys the outdoors, photography, and writing.