It’s no secret that parenting multiples brings along additional challenges, not to mention a higher risk of anxiety and postpartum mood disorders. So it’s extra important that we arm ourselves with tools to self-regulate and de-stress. Keep reading for a list of 12 helpful ways to manage your stress as a twin parent.
Being a twin parent must be one of the most stressful jobs in the world. (Perhaps followed closely by logging and air traffic control).
Through infancy, toddlerhood, and childhood, it seems twins require 24/7 care. At times, I have forgotten to take care of myself while in the throes of tantrums, sickness, and all around just trying to keep those two little people alive and happy.
So it goes without saying that stress management for parents is not easy when all of a sudden you have no time to yourself. But the truth is, you can’t effectively give your best to your twins unless you’re managing your own stress and taking care of your body and mind.
As the familiar adage goes, you must put on your oxygen mask first before being able to help others. Even if you may not get to shower as often or as much as you would like, there are things you can do to mitigate your stress.
Below you’ll find some tips for stress management for parents of twins so that you can show up for your kiddos as your best self!
Note: Of course, you might not have the capacity to do all of these all at once (I’m looking at you tip, #1). But incorporating as many as you can into your week can make a big difference.
1. Get as much sleep as possible
So much of managing stress is making sure your basic needs are met. For this, I turn to Maslow’s Hierarchy of Needs. The very base of the pyramid consists of physiological needs such as food, water, breathing, and sleep.
If I am feeling stressed, I try to check in with my body. Am I hydrated? Am I hungry (or hangry)? Have I gotten enough sleep? I am able to handle so many more BIG feelings from the little people when I am well-rested.
I know all too well how tricky sleep can be with twins. But at all costs, do whatever you need to do to get as much sleep as possible. Switch off with your partner on twin night duty. Ask for help so that you can take a nap or go to bed early. Leave the chores for a day when you are better rested.
Sleep is such a huge part of stress management for parents. There are obvious caveats to this: if you are breastfeeding or pumping around the clock, Godspeed and just sleep when the twins sleep!
2. Spend time in nature
A substantial body of research indicates that spending time in nature significantly benefits our physical and mental well-being. This could be as simple as eating lunch outside, going for a walk after dinner, or gardening with your kids.
A solo walk does wonders. But also don’t discount bringing the kids or family; everyone is calmer when they are outside. What a powerful stress management tool for parents! Any nature, any amount of time, in any capacity, makes a difference.
3. Practice mindfulness
This is such a huge buzzword in modern psychology, but what does it actually mean? In a nutshell, it means paying attention to the present moment without judgment. You are aware of your body, thoughts, and feelings, and accept what is.
Mindfulness is the basis for emotional regulation. Instead of being reactive, mindfulness gives you awareness of triggers that cause stress and allows you to regulate before reacting automatically in an emotional state. It keeps the focus on the present rather than worrying about the past or the future.
This practice starts by recognizing what is happening in the present moment and checking in with yourself. You can actually retrain your body to react calmly to stressful situations rather than with a fight-or-flight response.
4. Meditate
The thought of embarking on a meditation practice might seem daunting at first. But you can start with as little as 5 minutes a day. Even a few times a week is a good start. Mindfulness and meditation are closely related, with both encouraging progress in the other.
Usually, meditation is a practice you set time aside for, while mindfulness is more of a state of mind you can practice anytime. Both will help with stress management for parents.
You can start with guided meditation using resources online, doing a body scan, or simply focusing on your breathing while letting other thoughts pass. If you are able to practice consistently, you may find your stress levels start to decrease!
5. Try the Emotional Freedom Technique (EFT)/tapping
This is a therapeutic technique where you stimulate acupuncture points by tapping while you focus on situations that represent negative thoughts or feelings. While it incorporates theories of alternative medicine, it has been proven to help improve a variety of issues, such as stress, PTSD, anxiety, and depression.
There are a lot of free resources for EFT/tapping online, or you can choose to be guided by an EFT practitioner. If you have intense emotions or PTSD, it is better to do this with the help of a therapist.
6. Seek out a licensed mental health practitioner
Talk therapy is more accessible than ever before with countless telehealth opportunities. There is no one on Earth who cannot benefit from talk therapy. Raising children is reason enough without everything else life throws our way such as marriage, working, managing a home, relocating, grieving…the list goes on.
Therapists can help you develop vital coping skills to manage all of that stress. They can provide much-needed perspective and support. It’s like talking to a trusted friend, except they are professionally trained to help you.
Most sessions are less than an hour long and there are plenty of therapists available on evenings and weekends too. Go through your insurance to find a list of covered providers so that you will only be billed for a copay.
7. Find social support
Find a community group for moms or dads nearby that meets regularly. Bonus points if it is specifically for twin parents (like the Twiniversity support group or a local twin parent club). There is something very healing and stress-reducing about being with those who know exactly what you are going through.
Need some twin parent friends? Get the support you need with a Twiniversity Membership. Benefits include a monthly twin parent club meeting on Zoom, access to a private Facebook group just for twin parents, and a video library of twin parenting lessons. Visit Twiniversity.com/membership to join today!
You can exchange ideas and resources on stress management for parents, commiserate, or have a good laugh. Socialization reduces the feelings of isolation that many twin parents experience and actually increases oxytocin, a hormone that helps people feel less anxious and more confident in their abilities to cope with stressors. Social groups tend to put things into a perspective of good humor when you need it most.
8. Move your body
Exercise stimulates the release of endorphins which elevate your mood and release tension. Physical activity also reduces stress hormones such as cortisol. If adding exercise to your routine is laughable, think about it more simply as movement: walking the dog with your family, mowing the lawn, or doing yoga with your preschoolers.
There are plenty of ways to incorporate movement into your life without shelling out thousands of dollars for gym memberships or home workout equipment. Walking, yoga, calisthenics, and hiking are all activities that require minimal equipment.
Maybe you can involve the whole family if it works better with your schedule. If your twins still fit into hiking carriers, you are good to go, and it turns out pushing two toddlers in a wagon is pretty good exercise too. After all, you cart them from gymnastics to the playground to dance, you deserve to get exercise too!
9. Find a relaxing routine
Figure out what you like to do to unwind and recharge your battery. Some people need to have a friend over to re-energize, and some need to be alone. Some want to read before bed, while others want to binge-watch the first two seasons of House of the Dragon (an amazing show, by the way).
Find small moments of routine throughout the week that reduce stress. Here are a few ideas to give you some inspiration:
- Treat yourself to a sweet coffee drink every once in a while
- Listening to music while you get ready in the morning
- Put on a face mask while you get the kids ready for bed
- Have a bath in the evening after the kids go to sleep instead of rushing through a shower.
- Designate an evening to watch a funny show with your partner or spouse.
Be honest with yourself as to what you really need, and then make it a priority. And simplicity goes a long way!
10. Practice saying “no”
If you’re the type of person who commits to too many things and then finds themselves stressed out, try to recognize when you have the opportunity to say no. Is it truly an obligation or do you just feel obligated to do something?
As a highly introverted person, I can easily over-extend myself by making social plans. I have to say no or plan things further apart, otherwise I end up with an empty energy tank. Saying no can look like not volunteering at your children’s school or declining an invitation to travel for the holidays.
Give yourself a much-deserved break. Sometimes, we need to not worry about cooking and just order takeout.
11. Unplug
Examine the ways different technologies make you feel. Scrolling on certain apps before bed or first thing in the morning can cause stress or negative feelings. One of the best things I ever did was get a sunrise alarm clock so I did not have to keep a cell phone in my bedroom.
Technology is an unavoidable part of our lives, but we can exert some control over when and how we use it. Look to see if there is anything you do on a cell phone or computer that you could do the old-fashioned way (sudoku anyone?).
Turn off as many notifications as possible and set aside intentional times of the day to check texts and personal email. Eye strain, shoulder tension, and blue light definitely don’t reduce stress.
12. Try journaling
Journaling is a healthy way to express thoughts and feelings and can help you gain perspective on stressful situations. It can also be very relaxing.
There are many different types of journaling such as writing poetry, starting a gratitude journal, or just writing down three things that happened that day or week. You could also find journal prompts online for more structure.
There’s no wrong way to do it, and it can be a helpful tool in stress management for parents.
Final thoughts on stress management for parents of twins
Thinking: “How can I possibly add anything additional to my current routine, including stress management techniques?” I totally get it, and I’ve been there too.
My advice would be to pick one or two favorites and incorporate them into things you already do. For example, you already eat lunch, but you could try eating outside instead? Also, try replacing stressful habits with things that reduce your stress levels, and start small. For example, replace 5 minutes of phone scrolling with 5 minutes of meditating in bed.
Lastly, sometimes it isn’t about adding something but rather removing things that cause stress (and no, I don’t mean your twins lol). Twin parents are limited by resources such as time, money, and energy. But this means we must be even more creative and intentional about finding ways to effectively manage our stress.
Use the resources that you do have. Ask for help from friends, family, and your partner to give yourself more time. Choose habits that are low-cost or free. Seek the mind-body connection for a greater impact, and definitely don’t replace sleep with any of these suggestions!
Looking for more advice on de-stressing? Try these too!
- Stressed Out? How to Practice Mindfulness
- Tips to Ease Your NICU Stress and Anxiety
- How Do You Handle Stress in Twin Pregnancy?
Maddison Ellison is a mom to vibrant and mischievous twin toddler girls. She works as a nurse in the Denver metro area and enjoys getting outside with her twins, husband, and sheepadoodle, Rosie. Maddison is inspired by health, wellness, the magic of everyday life, and of course, coffee.
