Last updated on November 25th, 2023 at 11:06 am
This is a post I’ve been dreading to write, but I think it should be done. As a native New Yorker, and a mom, this is a moment in time I’ve had to discuss with my children, much earlier than expected.
(Keep in mind, I am not a therapist; a social worker; or a medical professional; I’m just a mom who witnessed the whole tragic event live, as it happened. This is what I did and my story may help you explain it to your kids.)
Two years ago, when my kids were four-years-old, we sat down and told them about 9/11. True, you may say this might be a bit young, and I would normally agree with you. However, since we live in lower Manhattan, about a mile from Ground Zero, there is no getting around explaining all that was happening around us (memorials; stores selling mini twin towers, etc).
My husband and I felt it was important for the kids to hear the story from us, rather than a teacher, a friend or even the television. As you might imagine, this day is very difficult for my family, or any person who was around for this horrific event. Still to this day, I get choked up thinking about the events that unfolded on that beautiful summer morning, both here in NYC and in DC.
So how did we go about talking to them? First we explained it in terms they would understand. Since they were young, we said that a bad man and some of his friends hurt a lot of people, on purpose, on September 11th and we all get very sad when we think about it. I explained how everyone does different things to remember the people who got hurt or died on this day.
We explained how some people go to church, some bring candles or flowers to where the accident happened, some cry, and some get really mad at the man and people who caused this to happen. We explained how this will never happen again since we learned our lesson and are much more careful to protect ourselves.
For us, we also explained how the planes went into the tall buildings and made them fall down. I’m not sure this is necessary for everyone, but my family has a lot of photos with the Twin Towers in the background and there are also many memorial sites around NYC that show the Towers still standing. This is heartbreaking to talk about since I feel like the wounds on my own soul are still so fresh. We explained that we don’t really know why they did this, but that they were not good people.
What we also did is explain how the real heroes of the world helped us that day and everyday. We told them that the real heroes of the world are not Superman and Batman, but the firemen, policemen and servicemen (and women of course) that protect us all the time.
Not a time goes by that my twins do not take the opportunity to say “Thank you for keeping us safe” (occasionally in unison) to every fireman, policeman or service person they see on the street. This might actually be the item I am the most proud of as a mother. My heart sings with joy when they do this with NO prompting from me at all. Just recently they’ve also started saying “Thank you for keeping our city clean” to the garbage men. This lesson was taught initially because of 9/11, but I’m honored that my children recognize that these heroes protect us on a daily basis.
Many of our fire stations and police stations in Lower Manhattan have memorials set up year round honoring the men and women, of that particular station, who lost their life that day. For us it’s not just this time of year that we stop and reflect on this horrible moment in our history.
As my kids get older they are exposed more and more to the harsh reality of that day. I’m hoping to shield them from as much as possible, for as long as possible, but eventually I’ll show them a documentary that I purchased on DVD a year after it happened. I need them to understand that as an American, and as a New Yorker, and as my children, that this event was much different for myself and my family than others around the globe. We lost family members, we lost friends and we lost hope…for a while.
We slowly rebuild our city, but we never forget. We pulled through this, banned together, and came out united and with a new sense of purpose.
My family has been, and will always be my #1 priority, but every year at about this time, I’m reminded of how everything can change in ONE second and I hold my twins a little tighter, kiss my husband one extra time, and never forget to tell the people who mean a lot to me that I love them.
I hope teaching your children about this day reminds you to reflect on what is important to you and how blessed we are to have the lives we do.
-Nat
For some additional sites you may find helpful when explaining September 11th to your children visit:
