Last updated on September 30th, 2021 at 10:16 am
Anna Paquin, Angelina Jolie, Jennifer Lopez, Chris Hemsworth, Neil Patrick Harris, Sarah Jessica Parker—all famous artists who are famously also parents of multiples (POMs). Collectively, they seemingly balance their lucrative careers and raising multiples, without missing a richly-endorsed beat.
But what about the vast majority of those working in the creative arts who also find themselves becoming POMs? What about the dancers hoofing it in the chorus of a regional theatre; the director who accepts a small honorarium so they can build up their resume; the visual artist trying to get a showing in a local gallery; or (in my case) the commercial actress playing different variations of the same hard done-by mom in the ads people see everyday? How do they manage the sudden travel demands, the constant rejection, the unreliable, lengthy hours on set, the dry spells, the last-minute gigs, and the real, often grueling work of a journeyman creative professional and the overwhelming challenges of multiples parenthood? Is it even possible when you aren’t rolling in as many Oscar nods and nannies as Angie and Brad?
For most of my adult life, I’ve had a career in the arts. It took a decade of sacrifice and focused commitment. Most of my nights were spent performing on stage, and my days were spent auditioning for gigs that would pay my bills. I was lucky enough to fulfill many of my professional goals before I became a mother. After I gave birth to my twins, my old plans fit my life as well as my size-four skinny jeans; pulling the zipper up over my parental duties while reaching for my dreams felt impossible.
I desperately wanted to seek out others in my situation to see how they managed this particular minefield. I knew their stories could not only guide me into a more balanced place, but they could also speak to how any POM could pursue their passions while navigating the same sea of diapers, doctor’s appointments, and dirty bottles.
I was blessed with the opportunity to interview three creative professionals—Julie Burt Nichols, Andrea Chapman, and Brian LaDuca—who generously shared their struggles and successes as multiples parents.
Their stories have made one thing clear: trying to completely kill your creative instincts in order to care for your children rarely works; but finding small, redefined ways to provide yourself a creative outlet does.
Both Andrea and Julie felt a pull toward change early on in their journey, while Brian took more time trying to figure it all out.
Andrea was working as a singer and an actor before her twins arrived. “Honestly,” she admits. “When I found out that I was pregnant with twins, I had started to think about shifting careers anyway.”
Andrea now has a burgeoning career as a visual artist. She found that the medium change was more complimentary to her current life as a stay-at-home mom. She affectionately described working on a piece while, “the kids messingly eat spaghetti.”
Julie’s experience was similar. She had an active professional life as a musical theatre performer and was devoted to developing a theatre company she helped to found. Becoming a mother meant refocusing her creative energies. “I started writing a blog to work out my thoughts and it opened up a whole new creative world to me,” she explains. Her blog sparked her involvement with Twiniversity, where she finds fulfillment helping new writers discover their own voice.
For Brian LaDuca, a theater director and educator, the biggest challenge was discovering an underlining purpose for his career that incorporated his new roles as both a father and provider. “I needed to reevaluate my career goals,” he says. “What was it that made me happy in the arts? Understanding what that was became a huge influence in my long-term goals.”
Once they started the process of redefining their goals as creative professionals, finding the tools to implement them became the new challenge.
In Andrea’s case, it was about collaborating with her support system to get her work done. Although the bulk of her art is done around her children, she has found ways to create privately too.
“On the magical days when they all take a nap at the same time, I get to do as much as possible in those sweet two hours. I have also started sending them to my neighbor’s house, one morning a week, so that she can babysit.”
To Julie, the internet was a prime resource for developing her new creative outlet as well as keeping a small fire burning for her old one. “The internet is an amazing place,” Julie says. “It has become a huge outlet for me to find other twin parents, crowd-source ideas and projects, and find short-term and low-commitment performance opportunities. I’m excited to join a community choir that rehearses one night a week. It’s set – it’s scheduled – and it’s happening (thanks to my supportive husband!) No more excuses — this is just what I needed to help carry me through until I’m able to get back on stage again. But it really helps that twin toddler boys are the BEST AUDIENCE EVER.”
Brian found that his most important implement had little to do with scheduling or a new found resource. “My tool was finding honest to goodness purpose, so that if time was sacrificed, it was sacrificed for the soulful betterment of my children.”
All of the POMs made significant changes in their lives, but they caution fellow artists about giving up creating for the sake of your children.
“To hold it back would mean that I’m not being myself—that I’m not being the woman that I want my boys to look up to,” Julie says. “I owe it to my boys to be the best me I can be.”
Andrea made a similar point:
“Keep doing it. Find ways to continue to be creative, even if you aren’t getting paid. If you’re an artist, sketch every day. If you’re a singer, sing. Find a venue, church, weddings, whatever—just keep going. If you choose to slow down your career for a few years, while you’re busy with the craziness of multiples, it doesn’t mean that you have to stop completely. Find an outlet, however small, and keep your creative fire lit.”
Multiples parenting seems to be a never-ending gauntlet of adjustments regardless of where your passions lie. However, after speaking to these artists, it is easier to see how being a creative person and a POM can be a plus, as long as you have the imagination and flexibility to take on all the changes— even if you don’t have J. Lo type resources.
Rebecca Dreiling spent most of her professional life pretending for adults and now does it, almost exclusively, for her children. She’s an American expat living with her husband and daughters in the wilds of Canada’s biggest city. Currently, she’s taking a break from her performing career, going to school for creative writing, composing her fantasy novel, and vicariously soaking up the superior talents of her monthly writer’s group. Her oldest daughter is in Kindergarten and her fraternal twin girls were born last fall. Follow her on Twitter and on her blog.
