Last updated on September 30th, 2021 at 10:13 am
If you’re a parent, you’ve been guilty of it—worrying intensely about your children’s safety and whether they’ll be able to take care of themselves on their own. Even if your children are still babies you’ve likely lamented over the “what ifs” and have questioned how you will ever be able to handle the empty nest. I know I have.
As I sat to gather my thoughts for this article I recalled how, 22 years ago this month, I was having those troublesome thoughts as I brought home my premature twin daughters. Frankly, we all began the “empty nest” process the minute our children were born. From the moment they left your womb or were adopted into your family, they entered “the nest” and the slow transition of one day flying away from it.
There will be many “first time experiences” over your years of parenting, and your children will express their independence through mastering crawling to walking, feeding themselves, riding the school bus for the first time, getting their driver’s permit, going on their first date, attending their first job interview, touring colleges, moving into their first apartment, getting engaged, marrying, and eventually having children of their own. With each accomplishment, they slowly gain the strength to test their wings and eventually fly the coop.
When my children were toddlers I used to wonder how I would ever feel comfortable letting them play in the backyard unattended. When they became school-aged, I fretted over letting them ride their bikes up and down the street, or taking the school bus home versus me picking them up. Yet, before I knew it, they were doing all of those things! I remember expressing my worries to my best friend whose oldest child is five years older than my twins. I asked her how she ever got to the point where she could watch her son drive off in a car for the first time.
Yet in 2010, I successfully accomplished that feat as I watched my twins drive off together to high school in their first car. That experience was topped just two years later when all three of my children (my twins, then seniors, and my son, a freshman) all got into the car together to head to their first day of school. All I could think was, “All my eggs are in one basket!”
Just as our children began strengthening their wings to leave the nest soon after they drew their first breath, we as parents also began the process of cutting the cord. I had first-hand experience with this as just this summer I watched my oldest twin, at the age of 21, take her first international flight to Italy to work as a nanny for three months. I had to cut that cord a little more that day and allow my daughter to spread her wings—trusting that I’d done my best to raise a mature, responsible, and safety-conscious young woman.
Last year my other twin daughter embarked on a journey to Florida as she took a year off from college to take part in Disney World’s college program. After a year in that program, she was hired to stay on permanently and made the decision to call Orlando home. She has no family members nearby (I am in Colorado and her dad is in Virginia) but she has made great friends, is living in an apartment with two other young women, and is doing incredibly well.
And just two months ago I flew with my son to Boston to complete his college registration process. He is attending a college outside of Boston yet has no family members nearby.
I always wondered how I would survive the empty nest as a single mom. Yet somehow, I’ve survived it all and am now officially an empty nester. I’m happy to report that my kids do come home to visit and they still love to be pampered. I am thoroughly enjoying my relationship with my three adult children, and the satisfaction of loving on them, pampering them, and then sending them back to their own nests.
Yes, it’s a daunting experience bringing those little babies home from the hospital and thinking about all the many firsts that they will encounter in their lives, and that we as parents will participate in and silently sit back and mourn. But there’s joy in the journey as we watch our babies take those first steps and all the additional steps they’ll take over those years towards adulthood. They’ll accomplish feats that will impress us and make us so very proud that we painfully, and with trepidation, cut that cord and allowed them to spread their wings and fly.
I wish you all the greatest joys in parenting your children at whatever age or stage they are in their lives.
Empty Nester Tips and Resources
It’s not uncommon to experience a profound sense of loss when you become an empy-nester. You may be vulnerable to depression, identity crisis or even marital conflicts. Use this time to explore new opportunities and rekindle interests. Here are ten helpful tips:
- Plan ahead and don’t be caught off guard. Talk to other parents who have successfully worked through empty nest syndrome and ask for their coping advice. Put some coping strategies in place before your last child leaves home.
- Accept the timing. Focus on what you can do to help your child succeed when he or she leaves home.
- Keep in touch. Technology provides us with so many options to maintain contact with our children including phone calls, emails, texts, video chats, etc.
- Stay positive. Think about the extra time and energy you might have to devote to your marriage or personal interests after your last child leaves home.
- Rediscover yourself: Pull out that list of all the things you wanted to do one day when you had time, and start doing those things!
- Look for new opportunities in your personal and professional life. Keep busy by taking on new challenges at work or home to ease the sense of loss.
- Volunteer: As a parent, you’ve spent the last couple of decades helping others so consider volunteering as a way to keep busy, meet new people, etc. A quick online search on “volunteer opportunities” and your zip code will net some great new opportunities.
- Rekindle your romance: Take the time to take care of you and your spouse or significant other. Reconnect. Plan some dates nights or even a romantic “kidless” getaway.
- Rekindle old friendships. Reach out to friends you haven’t talked to in years. Plan a lunch or coffee date and rekindle those relationships. You’ll probably find you have a lot in common as you go through the same stages of life.
- Seek support. If you’re having a difficult time dealing with an empty nest, lean on loved ones and other close contacts for support. Share your feelings. If you feel depressed, consult your doctor or a mental health provider.
Helpful Resources:
Meetup.Com Group for Empty Nesters
Donna May Lyons is a single mother of three adult children and a frequent contributor to Twiniversity.com. She is a freelance writer, editor, graphic designer, and social media manager residing in Colorado Springs. You can connect with Donna on Facebook and Twitter. For more articles by Donna on Twiniversity, click here.
