Preparing For A New Baby After Twins

Last updated on August 2nd, 2023 at 10:53 am

As parents often learn after having a baby or babies, schedules and planning become a family’s way of life. Feedings, naps, appointments and date nights have to be planned well in advance and prepped for extensively. So what happens when a family with multiples is expecting another baby? Along with the joy of a new baby comes anxiety, and a multitude of questions. Who will watch the older kids? How should I explain a growing belly or new baby to them? Those questions, along with a jumble of emotions, came to our minds as we prepped our hearts, house, and identical twin girls for a baby brother a mere 19 months after their birth.

I pride myself on being prepared for almost every situation. My family teases me for this quirk. However, my over-preparedness has helped out many others besides my babies. I’m the one who always has the lotions and potions. Even now that our kids are older and potty trained, I still carry extra clothes, snacks, and water any time we travel more than twenty minutes from our house. I tackled planning for baby #3’s arrival with the same mindset: plan, plan some more, and then have a back up plan.

Even if your kids are oblivious to the excitement and extra doctors appointments that come with expecting a new baby, eventually they will probably notice the growing belly. I cautioned the girls not to elbow me, and I explained why I couldn’t pick them up all the time. We found other ways of cuddling and snuggling. Thankfully, it didn’t take long for them to catch on to the idea of a new sibling. They would pat my belly and call him by his name, poke my belly trying to get him to move, and give him kisses goodnight. If one of the girls got upset that I couldn’t interact with them in a certain way, the other would remind her sister it was because we had to protect the baby. It took a few times of repeating myself but eventually they protected and loved “the bump” as much as I did.

Probably one of the greatest blessings of having twins right off the bat is not having to worry about any new sibling jealousy. Twins, by nature, are used to splitting the attention of their parents and having another toddler/child around. To ease the transition and make the girls feel included, we asked for their help picking out new clothes for the baby or opinions on how to set up his room. We also gave them small gifts throughout the pregnancy, like “I’m the Big Sister” bibs or a copy of their favorite book to give to their new brother. They also received official “Big Sister” gift bags on the actual birthing day.

Planning delivery day

Having family or friends experienced and willing to watch any older children is very important to ease the parents’ minds. I felt guilty asking anyone to take this responsibility on, even if it was my own parents. Although their house was already kid friendly and they were used to caring for the twins, I still packed and brought over extra clothes, baby wash, towels, snacks, or anything I thought they might need or run out of during our stay in the hospital. Even though they were expecting grand baby number four, three days was still a long time to care for two 19 month olds. I wanted them to feel just as prepared as I felt.

Visiting in the hospital

Allowing the older kids to visit is a topic the parents should discuss. First, ask about the hospital’s policies on visitation. Most hospitals are family centered, but it’s an important question to ask beforehand. Next, take into consideration the comfort level of the caretakers and the age of the siblings. Hospitals aren’t usually kid friendly places; they can be small, cramped rooms filled with machines and instruments they can’t touch. Factor in their own excitement and the emotions of the adults around them and things can get disastrous fast. I recommend keeping these visits short.

Explain things to them in advance so they know what to expect. I loved having our girls visit us in the hospital but they were very upset I was pretty much stuck in bed. Because I had a c-section, I couldn’t lift them up or even hug on them like I usually did. It was hard to explain to toddlers why I couldn’t be just like their usual Mama. Looking back, I wish I had done a better job preparing them for that first visit.

Unexpected emotions

While every pregnancy and delivery comes with their own unique stories and situations, having a baby after having twins brought up emotions for us that we did not expect. It was a veritable twister of doubt, guilt, and nerves. Within 24 hours, I had left my girls for the first time in their lives, had major surgery to deliver our son, and dealt with the slippery slope of having him admitted into the NICU.

“One? What am I going to do with one,” I remember thinking as my husband was presenting our son to me. I had no clue what it was like to have just one kid. That ‘one child’ anxiety never even crossed my mind until I saw our son in his incubator. I was so used to splitting my time and attention that while caring for our son, I felt like I should be doing more. The habits I had developed after having twins suddenly needed altered.

And I missed my girls. After our son was admitted into the NICU and I had very little access to him the first 24 hours of his life, I found my instincts being pulled to my children that weren’t near me. I could do very little for my son but I could call and check on the girls. I convinced my parents to bring them up to visit even though they couldn’t meet their brother yet.

My mother has a saying. “If you want to make God laugh, tell him your plans.” Some of our plans worked and some didn’t. Along with my habit of extensive planning, my back up plan is usually to simply roll with the punches. At the end of that weekend, we were back together, the Bryant Five. Unlike the first go-around with twins, there was only half the bottles and dirty diapers. As a bonus, we received triple the love.

Leah Bryant is a stay at home mom of three, identical twin girls and a son. She is a proud Kansas native (insert favorite Toto quote here) and currently resides in the Kansas City metro area. Besides being constantly surprised by the wonders of raising twins and caring for her family, Leah’s hobbies include cooking/baking, gardening, reading actual grown up books along with Dr. Suess, and cheering on her favorite home-grown sports teams. Leah also meets the challenge of keeping up with Sonny, the newest member of the family. He is an American Eskimo dog the family adopted after he was rescued from a puppy mill.

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