Last updated on December 2nd, 2023 at 10:52 am
Whether you have in-laws near or far, by marriage or not, or if you have a close or just tolerable relationship, chances are you have some sort of parental figure on your children’s other parents side. And those parental figures likely are excited to see your multiples any chance they get.
If that’s the case, and those in-laws can’t wait for the next time they get to see your double bundles of joy, be thankful. Ok, so your relationship with them may not be as smooth as the belly butter you put on your stomach in an attempt to get rid of the evidence you were pregnant with twins, but they’re their grandparents – that’s a fact. If your relationship works as well as a fast-acting antacid in your pregnant stomach, be thankful too.
No matter your children’s age or the time of year, “To Grandmother’s House We Go” is likely to come up in your song selection and schedule at some point. This means, it’s time to prepare for a visit with the in-laws, or as you may go as far as calling them, the “in-loves”. This can be a daunting venture, or a cause for a positive anticipation-filled countdown of days. No matter your outlook on the in-laws, here are a few scenarios that may sound familiar.
You Live in the Same Town as Your In-Laws
If the grandparents share the same zip code as your family, stay put. What a blessing it is to have that generation so close by and be easily involved in your multiples’ lives. Despite any relational hardships, the grandparents have the opportunity to interact face-to-face with their grandkids on a regular basis since distance isn’t a hindrance. It’s advisable to take good advantage of the weekend outings, date night twinsitting, sporadic visits, and being additional hands to help as extra special moments that only those in-laws who live local get to share; said moments are all the more special for those in-laws who don’t share a zip code.
You Live States Away From Your In-Laws
Stereotypically, this is a good thing. But that’s not always the case. Coming from the heart of an in-law and grandparent of twins who lives over five hundred miles away from her twin grandsons, it is spoken with tears in her eyes and cracks in her voice, “I haven’t really been with the boys much. So I cherish the time we’re together. We have to work hard to have a balance between home and far. I’m thankful for Facebook, video calls, and texts.” Think about this honest and heartfelt confession if it applies to you as a parent of multiples who lives states away from in-laws.
The grandparents don’t have the privilege of seeing your babies (no matter their age) every day like you do. So to reduce the miles between the families, take time to think of them by sending pictures on a regular basis (that’s as easy as a few finger taps of your smart phone), make phone calls periodically, or set times to have live family video meetings to share milestones. And it’s best, for the children at the least, to take full advantage of the times that the families are able to get together since miles don’t allow the times together to be high in quantity; they can be high in quality.
You Have a Strained Relationship With Your In-Laws
You’re not alone. Combining two people who come from different families into one new family while still being a part of the original families requires work. Adding a set of multiples into both of those families adds another layer of work and a new set of obstacles to navigate. Work and navigation is required for both the couple and the in-laws; maybe in different ways, but it requires work and effort from all involved. Despite any fall outs or arguments between any of the above, you’re not alone if your relationship is less than perfect. To keep the strain low among the family, personally, prayer is a required tool. No relationship is perfect and all relationships require effort. But no matter how you handle stress, difficulties, and challenges, respect is a must-have tool to keep any relationship healthy, inside or outside of the family. Strained relationships can be turned to low-strain, strain-free, and even fun when effort is involved.
You Have an In-Law Who Has Passed Away
This is a tough one. No one likes talking about it. It’s a reality of life. They may or may not have had the privilege to meet your twinnies. Although there isn’t the same type of relational challenges with the in-law as the ones here with you, the fact that the in-law and grandparent has passed is likely something that will be ongoing to handle and never goes away. Talking about them through memories and stories is a good way to keep their memory active in your mind as well as to pass it on to the next generation. Incorporating traditions they may have had, items from them, or if there are only brief recollections of them, take advantage of recalling and sharing whatever you have.
Your Perspective Differs From Your In-Laws’ Perspective
It’s an age-old challenge. It won’t likely ever change. Our great grandparents dealt with it, as will our great grandchildren. We all have varied views and perspectives on what’s best for our children. No matter what age our children are; we have in mind what’s best for our young multiples and children while the generation before us has in mind what’s best for us as adult children and our children. The challenge is blending those ideas together, if we choose. Listening to and considering the in-laws’ perspective can be valuable even if the generations don’t see eye to eye. Relational differences can, and might should be put aside for the overall good of the youngest family members because after all, they’re likely to benefit from both generations’ ideas.
Your In-Laws Are as Close to You as Your Birth Parents
Count your blessings. You likely do because you realize having this “married into” set of parents with whom your relationship is flourishing may be in the minority. Being in a close relationship with your parents is one thing, but also being in an equally close relationship with your in-laws is incomprehensible to some. Coming from a set of in-laws who work hard across the miles to have strong relationships with not only their grandchildren, but their birth children and their spouses, they say,”We minister to you as parents as much as we grandparent. We listen and are there for you when you need us. We pray for you and the twins because sometimes thats all we can do.” These words and actions speak highly of the hard work and effort put into their relationships and shows that not all in-law relationships have to be dreadful.
Whether you can relate to several or none of these relational scenarios with the grandparents of your multiples, and whether you even have multiples or not, you can’t go wrong with applying the golden rule to the relationship; do unto others as you would have done unto you. Seeing yourself in the in-laws’ (or “in-loves”) place may help in mental and physical preparations for getting both families together and may even remove stress when you say, “The in-laws – they’re coming!”
Liza Mead is a stay-at-home-mama to fraternal twin boys and has a background in interior design and marketing, both of which she works in second to her favorite titles as Wife and Mommy. In Raleigh, North Carolina, when her twins are content or sleeping, she spends time organizing, being involved in church events, and event planning. She’s thankful for the blessing of each day’s new memories created.
