Keeping The Spark Alive When You Have Newborn Twins

Last updated on February 27th, 2024 at 03:21 pm

Before twins, our date nights consisted of trying new restaurants in nearby towns, last minute trips to our favorite bakery, and long Netflix binges. With newborn twins, we’re lucky if we can steal a moment or two together between two feedings, two bath times, our daughter’s colic, and our son’s reflux. We’ve decided to make the most of the fleeting moments together we do have. We’ve found ten ways to keep the spark alive while caring for newborn twins. It hasn’t been easy, but it is possible.

Practice Self Care

Self care is a must no matter how exhausted you are. My husband and I take turns watching the twins while the other showers. He makes sure I have time to style my hair and put on makeup, even if I’m not actually going anywhere. It helps me feel sexy instead of frumpy. When the sleep deprivation becomes too difficult to handle, we take turns caring for the twins all night while the other sleeps. We are much more loving towards one another when we make time for self care. Of course, the twins don’t always cooperate, but every bit of self care we can squeeze in helps.

Modify Date Night

We’ve traded our pre-twins date nights for something more realistic. For our anniversary this year we had a fondue and wine night after we finally got the twins to sleep. We use our favorite candy as chips for poker nights. We’ve also found a way to go the movies with twins. There is a drive in movie theater in our area. We can put the twins in their pajamas and watch a movie while they sleep in their car seats. There is no need to worry about one of them making noise inside a quiet theater. Some theaters offer family friendly matinee showings on certain days of the week that you might want to try.

Start a Weekly Tradition

Having something to look forward to each week helps my husband and I stay connected and keep our sanity. During the first few weeks with our twins we planned out which Olympic events to watch. On Sunday mornings one of us makes breakfast while the other watches the twins. I look forward to our Sunday breakfasts all week. Our latest tradition is setting the DVR for the show “This Is Us” on Tuesday nights. We enjoy (usually cold) popcorn while laughing at how much we can relate to Jack and Rebecca attempting to raise multiples.

Stay on the Same Team

There should be a t-shirt with the words “Forgive me for what I say during 3 am feedings” printed on the front. You will inevitably butt heads while caring for two newborns. Your twins may have colic, reflux, or both. When you are sleep deprived for days on end, you will say things you regret. You have to look at caring for your twins as a team effort. You will become experts in forgiving while caring for your twins those early weeks.

Don’t Be Afraid to Leave Your Twins With a Sitter

Our twins were born four weeks early. I struggled to leave them with a sitter, even with grandparents. I must have checked my phone every five minutes the first time we left our twins with a sitter, but leaving them was amazing. The twins were fine and we got to enjoy time together at our favorite Mexican restaurant. Even getting away for an hour or two can renew your spark for each other.

Unplug

Put your phone, tablet, or whatever you are glued to down when you get a rare few minutes to connect. It’s tough to ignore the urge to check all my social media accounts just one more time, especially if you’ve been busy with the twins and haven’t had a chance to check your phone. Leaving your phone charging in another room helps. My connection with my husband suffers when I’m constantly glued to a screen.

Do Something You Haven’t Had the Chance to Do Since the Twins Were Born

Before twins you probably had a hobby or attended special events together. We loved going to musicals and trying new restaurants. Sometimes it may seem like your new hobby is finding a way to eat one handed. If you are struggling to find a sitter, try finding a way to recreate special moments together at home. We found out we can watch Broadway musicals live from home. Remembering who you were before twins will help you reconnect.

Remember the Little Things

When I’m up at 3 am for a feeding I always check the middle shelf in the refrigerator for a package of dark chocolate peanut butter cups. I need those peanut butter cups on nights when the twins are both wide awake. My husband picks them up for me when he goes to stock up on things we need. It lets me know he was thinking about me. It makes me feel cared for. He loves having his shoulders massaged. If he’s up with one of the twins, instead of immediately going to sleep I will massage his shoulders to help him get through the next feeding. The little things really do make a difference.

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Share at Least One Meal Together Each Day

It can be difficult to make sure you eat when you have newborn twins, much less eat together. Try to have at least one meal a day together. Chances are you will not finish a full meal. You may only have ten minutes to sit down together. Enjoy those ten minutes. Try to plan the meal around the twin’s sleeping pattern. Yes, you should sleep when they sleep most of the time, but sometimes you need to use nap time as a chance to connect.

Limit Visitors

Everyone will want to meet your new bundles of joy. You get to choose when. Prioritize visits with close family and friends, but limit others at first. You need to establish your own routines and connections as a family. You’ll never have time to connect with each other if you’re constantly playing host to everyone who wants to snuggle the babies.

Melissa Titus taught Kindergarten and 2nd grade in the public school system for ten years. She is taking a break from the education field to begin her new adventure as a SAHM to her boy/girl twins born n July 2016. When she’s not spending time with her husband or taking care of her twins, she loves to write, bake using her great grandmother’s recipes, support others still in the midst of infertility, and explore the great outdoors while attempting to photograph it. You can follow her on Instagram, Twitter, and Pinterest.

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