Is Your Parenting Style Hurting or Helping Your Twins?

Last updated on September 28th, 2021 at 01:19 pm

Parenting style has a great impact on children. Learn about your style, how it impacts the kids, and other styles you should know about.

Parenting is not an easy job. If someone ever says that to you, you should point at them and laugh! But did you know that there are many different types of parenting styles that parents can use? It can be difficult to know which one will work best for your children at first.

This article will discuss the four most common parenting styles: authoritarian, authoritative, permissive, child-centered, and uninvolved. We’ll talk about how each style works with children of all ages so you can find the right fit for you. So, let’s dig in.

mom and girl faces smiling at each other

What the heck is a parenting style?

A parenting style is a manner in which a parent interacts with their children. Studies have shown that parenting styles can impact how children behave as they grow older. A parenting style is usually determined by the type of parenting decisions, punishments, and rewards used.

Different parenting styles may also vary based on personality characteristics such as introversion vs. extroversion, or the degree of control you want to have. A parenting style can evolve over time as your kiddos grow and need more independence. You might shift from being permissive to authoritative, or authoritarian to authoritative.

What is authoritarian parenting?

Have you ever heard the saying “Children should be seen and not heard?” That’s authoritarian! An authoritarian parenting style is a parenting approach that demands strict obedience, lack of discussion, and little to no explanation. This is probably what you had growing up if you grew up with an old-school Italian mom like I did.

Children often grow up with the idea that their opinions are secondary and they are expected to follow directions from an adult without any logic or reasoning. The parenting style does not put much trust in the child, but it does create compliance. To discipline children, consequences such as time-outs or removal of privileges are typically enforced. Consequences are used more than reasoning or negotiating with the child.

For parents who grew up in authoritarian households, this parenting style may come naturally. It is important to note that these children may later exhibit rebellious behaviors like defiance and aggression while growing up. YIKES!

What is authoritative parenting?

Authoritative parenting is one of the most common types of parenting styles. This parenting style has set rules, but they are flexible and allow for negotiation as your child grows older. It balances love with discipline. This style fosters confidence as children grow and begin making their own decisions.

Is Your Parenting Style Hurting or Helping Your Twins?

What is permissive parenting?

Permissive parenting means that parents will let their children do what they want without really setting boundaries or limitations. The problem with this type of parenting comes when there are no rules and boundaries set. Without these, it’s hard for kids to know what is expected of them or where they are going in life. Raise your hand if you’ve heard numerous child-rearing experts say that children need structure and boundaries to thrive.

What is child-centered parenting?

Child-centered parenting refers to parents’ tendency to place a lot of emphasis on the child’s happiness. These parents place less focus on controlling their child’s behavior and more focus on their overall happiness. The parents will often adapt their own wants or needs in order to satisfy their childrens’ wants or needs.

What is uninvolved parenting?

Uninvolved parenting can be detrimental as a child grows older. There is typically no emotional support given by the parents or any discipline enforced when necessary. This parenting style doesn’t provide enough structure. Uninvolved parenting leads children to make decisions based on emotions rather than logic. This can result in more rebellious behaviors like aggression, substance abuse, and risk-taking behavior down the road.

What is your parenting style?

There’s no right or wrong parenting style. Each child will react differently depending on their personality traits and needs. But, if you’re looking for a parenting style with a good mix of rules and compassion, authoritative parenting may be the way to go!

Diana Baumrind’s parenting styles were categorized into three: “authoritative parenting”, “authoritarian parenting”, and “permissive parenting”. She conceptualized parenting styles as encompassing three components: love, power, and child-centeredness. Using this as a guide may help you clarify how you want to parent your own children.

So, where do you go from here?

Food For Thought: Out of all the parenting styles listed, which one do you think is closest to what is going on in your home? Do you and your partner have the same style? Do you think you might want to change your style? Is it time for a parenting style talk in your home?

If you are currently parenting in a style that you SWORE you would avoid, just remember that it’s only too late if you don’t start now! I’ve said this a zillion times here at Twiniversity. Being aware of your parenting style is the first step to making a change. Where you go from there depends entirely on you. Not every style will work for every child and not every style will work with every family. Just don’t throw in the towel. That would be uninvolved parenting, and no one wants that!

Natalie Diaz is the Pied Piper of twin families around the globe. Founding Twiniversity — the world’s leading support network for multiple birth families — in 2009, she’s become the global influencer for this small niche community. Natalie is a true connector, bringing parents from all walks of life together, breaking past cultural differences, to share in the highs and lows of parenting twins. Natalie’s book, “What To Do When You’re Having Two” is a global bestseller in Twins & Multiples Parenting.