If I Had Twins Again, Here’s What I Would Do Differently

Last updated on September 28th, 2021 at 01:44 pm

My twins are currently 17 months old and, to be real with you, I’m just starting to get the hang of being a mom of twins. By the time my singleton was 3 months old, I was a pro. Feel free to call me SUPER-MOM (of one)! I feel like my singleton was my college education, and my twins are the career that my college education DID NOT prepare me for.

I felt overwhelmed from day one of my twin pregnancy. My OB/GYN told me I would be tired, but the level of exhaustion I felt revivals a “Deadliest Catch” deckhand after a 36-hour crabbing shift. Then they were born. Who knew you could be even more exhausted than exhausted? I felt anxious, guilty, frustrated, sad, tired and completely in love all at the same time. My memories are a blur of night feedings, piles of dirty diapers, tears (from all three of us) and the smell of spit-up. A friend recently asked me, if I could do it all over again, would I? Rewind 16 months and my answer is a hard NO. Fast-forward to a really really good day full of smiles, giggles times-two, naps all around and my answer is definitely….maybe. Would I do it again as in have these same two wondrous monster babies? Yes. Have an additional set of twins? I don’t have the mental stability to answer that at this time. Luckily this is just hypothetical, but it does make me think about what I would do differently.

Take lots of pictures

First and foremost I would take a picture of my ginormous pregnant belly. I have a strict no pictures while pregnant rule (actually it’s a no pictures EVER rule), and I wish I would have swallowed my pride and documented this once in my lifetime adventure. I wish I would have taken more pictures of me with my babies. If tomorrow never came and the only way my children would know me was through pictures of us together, they’d never even know I existed. I take plenty of pictures of my kids, but I’m hardly ever in the pictures. Be in the pictures; messy hair, spit-up on your clothes, dark circles under your eyes, whatever the excuse, let it go and be in the picture. You will never regret having too many pictures of you with your children.

Take note of the good days

By the third day home with my twins, I felt like I was drowning in my own life. Two babies sounds hard but doable. I thought it would be double the work (basic math, right?), but it’s not. It feels like seven times the amount of work. You’re outnumbered. Two babies crying at the same time sounds like seven babies crying, and by the time you make one happy, the other one is upset. Those first few months were a vicious cycle of misery. The bad days outnumbered the good days, and most days got the best of me. But every now and then, we would have the most blissfully amazing day. WRITE IT DOWN. Mark it on the calendar, jot it down on a sticky note, scribble it on the bathroom mirror with lipstick, whatever is necessary to remember. Read it often. I promise the memories of the few good days will help you through the awful days. I tried to keep a mental journal and when the tough days came I would daydream about the random Tuesday when both babies were happy at the same time when all three of us had a nap and breastfeeding two babies at the same time felt like an honor and not a chore. These good day memories gave me hope; hope for another amazing day with my babies, and hope that someday all days will be the good days. It’s amazing how much HOPE can help you get through the day. I regret not writing these days down. Although at the time my mental journal was enough, now a year later, most of my memories are the really hard days.

Find humor in the hard stuff

When you are in the middle of multiple night feedings, diaper duty times-two, colic, sleep deprivation and acid reflux times three, it is hard to find the bright side. I spent most of the first six months crying with my twins. Producing enough milk for my babies felt like a full time job; both babies had acid reflux, one baby had a milk allergy and getting them on the same sleeping schedule was much harder than I anticipated. Every day had the same mission: SURVIVE and leave no man behind (this was very important considering I’m outnumbered three to one). Every day was a countdown to bedtime, but bedtime felt like an eternity away so I spent most days counting down to each coming hour. It was rough.

It wasn’t until my babies were 13 months old that I decided I needed to find humor in my here and now. Laughter is an amazing stress releaser. I reached out to a MoM friend and we started helping each other find humor in our disaster lives. We’d send pictures and texts to each other documenting our mischievous twins. It’s like a humorous game of twin poker. I see her twins wall crayon art and raise her a bathroom toilet with an entire roll of toilet paper in it and two Tsum Tsums floating on top. Find humor in the projectile spit-up, the laundry piles of poop stained onesies, I know my babies did. I can remember numerous smiles while I was wiping poop off their backs. Take pictures and videos, I promise someday soon you will watch that video of both babies crying hysterically and smile. You’ll smile because it was hard, you’ll smile because that day is over, but most of all you’ll smile because you survived! I wish I would have found my funny sooner.

Trust your intuition

The first time my son cried I noticed that he was tongue-tied. He was examined by multiple doctors before leaving the hospital and was seen regularly by our pediatrician and no one ever mentioned anything about his tongue. I never said anything and never asked any questions. I told myself that I was wrong. I convinced myself that if my son really was tongue-tied at least one of the doctors would have noticed and said something. It wasn’t until my son was 6 months old and being seen by an on-call doctor that the subject of his tongue-tie was mentioned. My son was now past the age that doctors clip tongue-ties so I was told I would need to follow up with my regular pediatrician. I felt instant guilt. Why didn’t I say something? Why didn’t I ask a simple question? Someday the tongue-tie will correct itself, but in the meantime, it may be affecting his speech. Both my twins are behind in their speech (my daughter is just stubborn and only says what she wants to say), so we are now discussing speech therapy and I can’t help but wonder if I had just said something, maybe we wouldn’t be in this position. Do not underestimate your intuition. You know what is best for your children. If you have a question, ask. If something doesn’t seem right, voice your concerns. Listen to your gut.

Parenthood is hard. We are all just doing the best we can. Some days just getting all three kids in clean clothes feels like a win, and some days we wear pajamas all day and eat dry cereal out of the box for all three meals. Breathe. Take each day as just that; one day. And if that is too much (and sometimes it is) take it hour by hour or minute by minute. Just breathe. Today is a day you will never have the opportunity to relive and if today was the worst, then today is a day you never have to relive (life is all about perspective; humorous perspective).

Amanda Hadley is a part-time photographer and full-time dishwasher, cook, maid and financial assistant to her 5-year-old daughter, one-year-old twins, and husband of 8 years. She loves to travel, take naps and Atlanta Braves baseball. Most days you will find her at home sifting through the massive piles of laundry and dishes, and getting as many cuddles as possible before the kiddos are too cool to hang out with mom.