This is not the holiday dinner I had envisioned. You know, pretty plates and candles flickering with children dressed in their best and politely sitting at the beautiful table in their assigned seat with a cute, decorated name tag with a perfectly dressed turkey on the table. Okay, maybe that’s not realistic with children, so I will settle for something in between the mayhem and the perfection.

The holidays are a magical time mixed with stress for us all. Having mealtime with your family always throws another stressor into the mix of the holiday details. After five holidays in a row as a mom, here are some things I have learned the hard way about how to bring holiday dinner from mayhem to mealtime with at least a half smile and a warm fuzzy or two.

1. Keep it simple.

No one is expecting you to be magazine or Pinterest ready, so I give you permission mom. Just do enough to bring your family together. Just do enough to raise it up one small notch from the regular paper plate weekday dinners. The people and conversation at dinner matter far more than the table setting or fancy recipes.

2. Checklists are my BFF.

Make a list of every ingredient you will need, who is bringing what, and if you need any additional supplies. Make this list at least a week prior to your dinner. Keep that list nearby and write down everything that comes to mind. Maybe write down something you already did and cross it off just to feel accomplished. Anything that can be prepped the day before, prep the day before. When you start to feel the mayhem rising, go to the list over and over again to settle your thoughts. It’ll feel so, so good to check things off.

3. Ask for help.

Do not attempt to do this thing on your own. Us moms of multiples have super powers but doing it all alone should not be one of them. You should be in charge of the main dish and that’s about it. Have everyone else bring something or bring the ingredients to make. Do not — I repeat, DO NOT — try to do it alone. If you aren’t having family over, enlist the help of your husband or just re-read number 1 above. Help from Boston Market counts.

4. Keep the kids entertained.

Of course, this depends on the age of your kids. Prep during nap time if they are tiny. Prep a special snack like popcorn or trail mix in front of a new show or movie while you cook if they are older. It is important for the show to be new so they are not bored and in your space. Snacking about an hour or two before dinner ensures no whining out of hunger while you are wrapping up cooking. Outside time is ideal to get the “sillies” out pre-dinner, if that is an option for you. Of course all of this never guarantees a kid-free work zone but hopefully, it helps.

5. Relax.

I know, I know easier said than done amongst the mayhem of children and so much to do. The more you are taking your time and enjoying the moments rather than allowing the stress to swallow you whole, the more so you set the tone of peace for the whole house. Deep breath momma, deep breath. It will all come together.

May these small tips help guide your upcoming holiday dinner prepping and mealtime. May it be a little more peaceful this year. May you have some laughter and a few warm fuzzy moments mixed in. Settle for good enough as a mom to little people. It is enough. You are enough. Enjoy!

Rachel Bowman is a mom to identical twin toddlers, a surprise baby fourteen months later, and now a sweet newborn. She is all sorts of tired, silly, and caffeinated all at once. Rachel is an infertility and IVF survivor, pastor’s wife, insurance agent, cupcake baker, chocolate lover and writer of words. Her blog waitingforbedtime.com is her motherhood therapy where she shares tales of chaos, lessons learned from many mistakes, and hopefully encourages you that you are not alone while you wait for bedtime. You can also find her on Facebook.

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