Last updated on September 30th, 2021 at 10:19 am
In the past few weeks, there has been a lot of talk in my house about making holiday plans. I have a large, busy family — 4 kids between the ages of three and eight — and I feel like I need to constantly prepare myself for the plans made by Those Without Children.
I feel that I have won the Thanksgiving battle after many years of arguing that a kids’ table full of kids who can’t feed themselves is simply not a good idea. I come from a large family, so we frequently have 25-30 people sitting at various tables in the emptied-out family room. We now divide the kids among the adults so that there are no more than 2 kids per table, thus ensuring that the adults outnumber and can overpower, if necessary, the children seated there. I won that battle because the meal takes place at my house.
Christmas, however, is out of my control, and while I offer my suggestions, I never know what I’m going to find until we get there. Christmas Eve will happen in the following way: the kids will eat together, after which they will be sent to another room to “quietly” watch a movie while the adults have a nice holiday dinner. Oh boy! Have I mentioned that there will be 7 children under nine? I have tried to argue that the parents will then spend all of dinner checking to be sure that no valuables have been broken, walls repainted, or furniture dismantled.
I can argue until I’m blue in the face. I frequently make people mad with my “selfishness”. But the bottom line is that my husband and I decided a long time ago — when our oldest was the only child in the extended family — that we would have to choose times to be “selfish” and times to be flexible. When the kids were babies, we acquiesced with the “adult” plans because babies are fairly flexible. Now that the kids are getting older, we have felt the need to stand our ground. There comes a time when you have to put your immediate family first, especially if it’s going to impact the well-being of individual children. It doesn’t always make me the most popular person in the family, but I have never regretted a decision to sit things out or fight for something to be more kid-friendly.
I always enter the holiday season with the goal of gifting our kids with a peaceful, fun-filled, memorable experience. There are always a few bumps and bruises (both literal and figurative), but by compromising between the “adult” plans and what is best for our kids, my husband and I feel that we have been able to provide a wonderful family holiday experience.
By Lisa Vocker, middle school English and literature teacher and mom to Matthew, 8.5; Elizabeth, 6; William, 3.5; and Zachary, 3.5
