I'm Terrible, Thanks For Asking

I’m Terrible, Thanks For Asking

How am I doing? I’m terrible, thanks for asking! No one warned me about how soul-sucking motherhood would be.

I love my kids, I would carry them across hot coals barefoot on my back. But that doesn’t mean that I love the person I’ve become since giving birth to them! I’m not even sure “person” is the right word, I’m more of a blue-collar job resume: milk-maid, housekeeper, line cook, gardener, tutor, handyman, butler, and chauffeur.

Is motherhood beautiful, magical, and fulfilling? Yes, sometimes. Is it as perfect as Instagram makes it look? ABSOLUTELY NOT!

Let’s be real. Let’s talk about the dark side of parenting and let’s normalize needing help, supporting instead of judging, and forgiveness instead of guilt (this includes our own self-image)!

Must we be so hard on ourselves? Why are we so hesitant to ask for help? How come we can give every person in the world a break but not ourselves? Why do we hide our crazy and pretend life is a professionally styled Instagram post?

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How can we go from “I’m terrible, thanks for asking” to “I’m hanging in there”

There are a number of things us mama’s can do to relieve just a little bit of the pressures of motherhood. Moms, especially twin moms, can flip our attitudes from “I’m terrible, thanks for asking” to “I’m really doing OK for the most part”. And isn’t that all we really want at the end of the day?

Ask for help

There is a common theme with moms and how we regard ourselves: we can do it all because it’s our job. Our mothers did it. The other moms on the PTA seem to be able to do it all. Our sisters seem like they do it all, and love it! And because everyone we look at on social media seems to have their SH!T together!

How is the hardest part of motherhood asking for help? Why is the second hardest part accepting the help?

Help doesn’t mean you need a full-time nanny. Or that you are a bad mom or that you are a failure. Help comes in many different forms and is necessary for your sanity and safety.

Hire someone to clean the bathrooms or just the kitchen. Ask a friend to come over and hold the baby or play with the kids while you do some cleaning. Order groceries online and have them delivered. Trade play dates with another mom so you can run errands or get a haircut or drink a hot Starbucks in your car and completely check out for a little while.

The bottom line is it may feel triumphant to do everything yourself. However, in the long run, whether successful or not, it is simply tiresome and lonely.

If help is offered, repeat after me….”Yes, please.” If help isn’t offered, repeat after me…. ”Help, please.”

Group of 4 moms lying on their backs, heads together looking up, smiling and laughing as they play, tickle and snuggle their toddlers — Accept help when offered. Help comes in many different forms and is necessary for your sanity and safety.

Stay Honest

This is my truth: I HATED breastfeeding, I HATE the food tug-of-war I go through every day with my kids and I am 100% sure that I was put on this earth to do something more than be just a mom!

Fact: houses, where children live, are messy. Fact: Life is messy. Literally, emotionally, socially, financially, and personally. Odds are, whatever obstacle course you are currently on, someone else is on it, too. Misery loves company….why not share our stories of struggle and bond with fellow mothers that are going through the same thing? Have the courage to be imperfect!

Maybe we can even impart some wisdom on our young. Instead of hiding and lying, maybe our children will share their struggles and tears with us like we’ve shared ours with others.

Give yourself grace

Why is it so easy to have empathy for other people but not for ourselves? I will put myself down when I am not living up to what I think is my potential. However, if my friend is experiencing something similar I will ask myself how I can help her. If she falls short on something, I will give her a break and take time to consider all the balls she is currently juggling. So, why can’t I do this for myself?

Give yourself the grace you give to others! Don’t apologize for being a hot mess. Laugh at yourself instead of crying. Tell the voice in your head that says you are not good enough to take a hike! Forgive yourself for being less than perfect, and be okay with just being human! Give yourself the same love that you would offer another mom in the same position you are in.

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Prioritize Yourself

Prioritize your needs just as you prioritize everyone else’s. Allow yourself that long stroll through Target, or a mani-pedi, or a massage every once in a while.

Prioritizing yourself includes learning to say no, asking for (and accepting) help, and letting go of the guilt. Do not torture yourself for prioritizing yourself. Do not allow your quest for motherhood perfection to rob you of being kind to yourself.

Set goals and go for it. Do not feel guilty for wanting more and for reprioritizing to allow you more. Show your children that dreams and goals are worth pursuing, even when you are a mom. Show them, and yourself that you are worth it and capable!

Taking care of yourself is not selfish, it is SELF CARE

Meditation

Take a moment to pause and recalibrate yourself for better balance. Science confirms that meditation can help you cope with the demands of motherhood. According to a study in the Archives of Women’s Mental Health, women who use mindful meditation experience more self-compassion.

Here is a simple way to practice mindful meditation:

Find a place in your house where you are comfortable and at peace. This might be your bedroom, or even the pantry with the light off and the door shut. Commit to five minutes of uninterrupted time. Take slow, deep breaths to fully expand your diaphragm and calm your mind. Create a mantra and repeat it over and over to help you quiet your mind and enter a deep state of relaxation. My current mantra is: I am not a bad mom, I am a mom having a bad day. Finally, use visualization. Travel to your favorite destination in your mind. Use all five senses to experience the location and just breathe.