Not Losing Yourself While Being A Mom

Last updated on August 3rd, 2023 at 09:18 pm

I went from a young career woman to a mom of two very quickly. I always wanted to be a mother, but I never wanted to stop being myself. You see it every day: parents “let themselves go,” trading sports cars for minivans and long locks for messy buns or “the mom cut.” Not me. Here’s how I managed to be myself while embracing my greatest calling in life.

Leaving my career was difficult, but I knew we just couldn’t send our preemies to daycare. (More power to those who do—I’m not strong enough.) I spent several months mourning the loss of my job, and I probably should have spoken with a counselor or therapist, but I got through it. While my career was something that used to make me feel important, I have come to realize raising decent children and having a well-balanced home for them is more important to me. I couldn’t have juggled working and mommy-ing as well as some women do.

This shouldn’t come as a surprise—your body changes when there are other bodies inside it. I came away from my twin pregnancy with twenty extra pounds, a handful of stretch marks, sagging breasts, and a scar just under the waistband of my underwear. Not sexy. Owning the “mom bod” wasn’t me. I’m not the “tiger who earned her stripes” type. I was 25 and hating my body. Instead of embracing something that I just couldn’t love (again, more power to those who can—I don’t have that confidence), I continued to maintain what I still had. I went to the hair salon every month and nail salon every two weeks. I did my makeup when I could and at least put on a nice push-up bra, even when I was too busy to get showered. Now that I’m adjusting to life as a mom, I’m making time to cook healthier meals and getting my girls out for a walk in the park when I can. Those stretch marks have faded and my scar has too. They’re still there, but they are no longer the only things I see in the mirror. The weight is coming off and now that my breastfeeding days are over, I’ve been fitted for new bras that hold me up and make me feel like my boobs belong to me again. It’s nice to be looking like the old me again, and feeling good about myself makes me a more effective mommy.

Here’s a silly thing—a diaper bag. During my pregnancy, several women had opinions on what brand or style I “needed.” Being a handbag collector, I couldn’t picture myself carrying any of the diaper bags I researched. I decided to hold off on the purchase. I chose one of my larger handbags, a pretty pink Dooney & Bourke, and packed it with baby essentials. This would be my diaper bag until I was able to identify what features I really needed in one. To my surprise, it was perfect. It was very roomy and had a few pockets but not so many I’d lose things in it. I didn’t hate the look of it and it really was MY bag, not my babies’ bag that I was stuck carrying for them. I used it for several months until my husband bought me a nice Coach diaper bag on a whim. (Between you and me, I prefer the pink Dooney.)

Many people buy SUVs or minivans when they’re pregnant. I continued to drive my luxury sedan with two carseats in the back for nearly a year, and honestly, I would have continued. It was not the easiest to get the babies in and out of, but it was mine. I was a “cool mom” in my car, or just plain cool. I wasn’t a “soccer mom” in a minivan, just the same lady in a sedan I was before. When we traded it in, it was a financial decision more than anything else, and I’m now driving a Toyota 4 Runner. I chose what I wanted, down to the color. Although I made a little sacrifice to now be driving something bigger and, frankly, less luxurious, I’m still myself in it. It’s the SUV I wanted as a kid.

Having two newborns is one thing, but having a whole new me was just too much. Don’t forget to take care of yourself too. You’re still important, and your babies need you—their cool mom.

Lauren Yaffe is a coffee addict, football fanatic, Disney lover, wife, and mom to twin daughters and two dogs. She lives in Georgia, where she writes, reads, prays, and binge watches Friends to stay sane. Follow her shenanigans on her blog.

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