Little White Dinner Lies

Last updated on September 16th, 2023 at 06:38 pm

We told ourselves we wouldn’t do it. My wife and I swore that we wouldn’t become “those parents”. Now our twin sons have just turned 3 and I have to admit {looks over shoulder to make sure no one is listening in…} we lie to them to get them to eat a balanced diet.

We all know about the 4 basic food groups and food pyramids, but the truth is: Toddlers. Don’t. Care.

They haven’t read any of the studies done by the FDA, USDA, or the AMA. The only letters they care about are the ABC’s and they better be in the form of fruit snacks. (The ones with high-fructose corn syrup, please.) I think our sons would eat quesadillas and pizza every night of the week if we let them, but we figure they’ll have 4 years of college to binge on meals without fruits and vegetables. Now when they are young, we plan to do everything within our power to make sure that they are eating properly. This means that mealtime around our home is starting to get a little creative.

Hey, kids are smart, and you have to get up pretty early to pull one over on them (5:40 a.m. to be exact). Sometimes you do what you have to do to be the best parent possible. This includes sharing a little white lie or two. All parents do it. Growing up, when we told my Mom we didn’t like the Campbell’s soup with the mushrooms in it, the name was changed. We were the only kids in the neighborhood to eat Cream of Elephant Soup. My Mother-in-Law told my wife that mushrooms tasted like hot dogs in order to get her to try them. (She still hates them to this day.) Although we said we wouldn’t do it, it’s coming from a place of love because we’re getting our kids to eat foods that are good for them, enabling them to grow up happy and healthy.

Here are the 5 little white dinner lies my wife and I tell our kids to get them to eat healthy.

1. WHITE JUICE

My sons would drink apple juice 24/7 if given the chance. All those non-parents reading this are saying, “What’s the big deal? Apples are good for growing boys, right?” Sure, apples are great. They are a healthy carbohydrate. They contain Vitamin C, and a trace amount of the mineral boron which aids in strengthening bones. Apples in large quantities are also great if you want sloppy, messy, even-the-dog-is-disgusted, diapers 24/7 as well. Many also have a crazy amount of sugar, and even though we’ve searched to find the brand with the lowest amount (and we usually dilute it at least 50-75%), we still want them to drink more water. The solution? My wife and I started calling water “white juice”. (If they are sick and we give them Pedialyte, this becomes “purple juice”, or “red juice” based on the flavor we buy). When they hear “juice” they are totally into it and have no problem drinking it. Sometimes we even ask them to choose between water and “white juice” for fun.

2. SPRINKLES

Cottage cheese is a great source of calcium and vitamin D. The issue is that there comes a time when cottage cheese just isn’t appetizing anymore. We had to change it up a bit. Of course we could add fruit and end up back in the white juice dilemma I mentioned above. Our solution? We added sprinkles (a little bit of dried dill), and all is right with the world again. Feel free to substitute other dried herbs like parsley, or cilantro. Stay away from rosemary and sage unless you want your kids to hate you forever.

3. MAGIC CARROTS

We obviously have no problem introducing fruit into the boys’ diet, but what about vegetables? I’ve mashed up my share of veggies into mac and cheese and even tried the deep-fried approach, swapping them out for heavy starches like potatoes. How did we get the twins to eat them without the camouflage? SUPER POWERS! Didn’t you know? Carrots are magic and improve your eyesight. (Have you ever seen a rabbit with glasses?) The magic works immediately helping them see better and clearer the minute they take a bite. (We even include sound effects and jazz hand signals of the carrots “working” that I won’t bore you with as I know you’re busy- but let me just say, they’re awesome!).

4. WHITE HAM

The boys love our trips to the grocery store. They especially love it when we stop at the deli counter because they know that samples are close at hand. Their favorite item on the Boars Head Deli sample menu is ham. We all know that man (or boys) cannot live on ham alone, so in order to get them to eat other lunch meats, (for example, chicken), we’ve added “white ham” to their diet.

5. DIPS

Creating a “dip” is an awesome way we’ve found to get them to at least take a few more bites of something they dislike. What they haven’t realized is that the dip is the part they are not supposed to like because it’s healthy. Sour cream is a good base. You can add things like avocado to make it even better for them. I’d be willing to bet you could puree green beans and mix them with sour cream and make a dip the kids ask for every day of the week and twice on Sundays! (For the record: I just wrote that idea down.)

6. COFFEE / SPICY

As parents, we all know how difficult it is to sometimes get kids to eat. Sometimes it’s just as difficult to get them not to eat. By not eat, I mean things that you want to eat. That are on your plate. In your cup. Part of YOUR diet, but not necessarily the diet of a three year old. We found a solution to that as well. (And it doesn’t mean waiting until everyone goes to bed so you can secretly eat it in a dark living room by the light of the television.)

We were smart enough lucky enough to explain to the boys early on that coffee was for grown-ups only. This has worked very well when all of a sudden they decide they want some of whatever we happen to be drinking. It could be wine, beer or actually coffee. It all becomes “coffee” when we don’t want to share. It’s just a nicer way of saying, “No you can’t have any because it’s ours”.

If we don’t want to share food, we tell them it’s spicy. Sometimes this is actually the case. We like ground turkey tacos in our house and my wife and I both put hot sauce on ours (my wife loves extra spicy, burn your taste buds off kind of sauce). Obviously when the boys decide they’d rather feast on our dinner rather than the similar non-spicy version on their own plate, we just default to, “It’s spicy.” Sometimes though, a spicy grilled cheese is simply a grilled cheese that we are REALLY enjoying. It just became spicy when we realized that we shouldn’t have to stop and give them a piece of the same exact thing that’s on a plate in front of them.

I don’t feel guilty about our little white dinner lies. They have their entire lives after they move out of the house to eat whatever they want. For now I just want to make sure that they get a diverse diet that broadens their palette and allows them to grow up healthy. I’m sure that someday they’ll be sharing stories with their spouse about how my wife and I used to make the craziest (and tastiest) dips. What’s the next “dinner lie” to be spoken in our home? Who knows? All I can say is that I can’t promise that “brown ham” isn’t coming soon because Dad really has a craving for a roast beef sandwich.

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