Last updated on September 30th, 2021 at 10:15 am
Last December my husband and I decided to “adopt” a family in need for Christmas to provide household necessities for the family and gifts for the children. We selected a family with four children including twins, just one year younger than our 5-year-olds, and hoped that it would be a learning experience for our kids – teaching them to give back and be grateful for all that they have. We went shopping as a family and before arriving at the store we explained to our children that we would not be getting anything for them or ourselves – that we were buying things for another family who needed some help. We gave them the task of helping us pick out toys and gifts that they knew other kids would love.
As we walked along the aisles piling things like toilet paper, diapers, and baby wipes into our shopping cart, I was delighted that the expedition, as hoped, prompted conversation about the expense of some things that we take for granted and how some families need a little help in order to have enough food to eat and warm clothes to wear. The kids understood and even had to be tempered in their excitement to fill up the cart. Once I convinced my son that we already had all of the socks and underwear the family would need, we began to make our way to the toy section. My son, however, stopped abruptly and said, “Mom, we can get more of that other stuff because Santa will bring them toys.”
I caught my husband’s eye and saw that he agreed that there was no harm in prolonging the “magic,” and then looked at my son and said, “You know what, you are right – no need for toys!” Both of my kids got a good laugh over how silly we were to “forget” about Santa, but I knew that the questions and skepticism were around the corner. Sure enough, shortly after that we began to see “Santa Claus” everywhere, had discussions about friends who do not celebrate Christmas or who don’t get visits from Santa, and had to give explanations about that and the doubts that pesky kids with older siblings planted in their heads. My fairy, mermaid, unicorn, princess loving daughter didn’t seem to have any problems believing that Jolly Old Saint Nick lives in the North Pole and delivers gifts Christmas Eve, but my son’s every question seemed to lead to another question.
My son is super inquisitive and began to notice and quiz us about some inconsistencies and impossibilities where Santa Claus was concerned. He also, unfortunately, seemed to be influencing our daughter who is still on blissfully good behavior during the holiday season because “Santa is always watching.” My husband and I decided to be honest about the mall Santa and Elf on the Shelf nonsense (thank goodness we could stop that charade) with both of them, and deliberately vague on all the rest. My husband and I also tried to get on the same page in regards to all things Christmas/Santa Claus. On my side of the family, Santa leaves gifts unwrapped and they magically appear on Christmas morning beside gifts already under the tree from family. On my husband’s side of the family, Santa wraps every single gift with paper that is left out beside the milk and cookies (and apparently carrots?) and nothing is under the tree until Santa arrives. Step 1 was to agree on what our Christmas Eve and morning would look like (verdict: carrots for the reindeer, wrapped unless super big, parents give a couple of things in addition to Santa) and Step 2 was to decide how we answer the myriad questions from two little ones on the cusp of not believing.
Last year we watched The Polar Express right before Christmas, and the message of the movie combined with my children’s deep desire to want to believe, resulted in two children who were ecstatic Christmas morning and in awe of Santa. I really hope that this year turns out the same way, but I worry that it was the last year that my son will be more believer than skeptic. To me, children questioning the existence of Santa is one of the sadder turning points in parenting. I like creating magic for my kids. I love the childhood innocence and imagination that makes Santa possible. Without Santa, the greed and commercialism can be overwhelming and there is seemingly less joy in both the gift giving and receiving. For that reason, my husband and I have a Step 3 in the Christmas plan. This year — or (wishful thinking) in another year or two — we plan to have a conversation with our son if (when) it seems that he is doubting the Santa story.
I know my son, and I know that his curiosity will get the better of him and he will do everything he can to solve the mystery of the “realness” of Santa. He will inevitably find out that parents have a hand in making Santa happen, and when he does we intend to tell him that his determinations are correct. We will tell him that we help Santa, and then we will ask him to help us keep his sister in the dark about it all. That might sound cruel and strange, but to me it is giving a little bit of magic back to a child who didn’t ask to be a skeptic. It is just my son’s nature to try to figure things out, but I know (from personal experience) that he will be devastated when he does solve the mystery and will long for the times when a benevolent gift giver surprises you rather than parents who can hold it over your head in exchange for chores and good behavior. So, we will ask him to keep quiet on Christmas Eve when our daughter wonders when Santa will arrive, and will encourage him to make his lists, bake cookies, and act surprised upon waking Christmas morning. He will enjoy being “in” on it all, and she will get one more year to revel in one of the things that makes childhood special. I can’t give him back his naivete, but I can give him the opportunity to see someone he loves happy and joyful, and I can give my daughter another year to be truly enchanted.
Shellie Fossick is “mom” to 5 year old boy/girl twins who started Kindergarten this year! She is also the Development Director for a non-profit organization that provides high quality early care and education for more than 400 low-income children in Middle Tennessee. She lives in Nashville, TN with her husband and two children.
