Last updated on August 16th, 2023 at 11:49 am
It goes without saying that most service members can easily quote the official Marine Corps’ motto, “Semper Fidelis” (or Semper Fi). Adopted in 1883, the motto is Latin for “Always Faithful.” On the other hand, it is highly unlikely that many are familiar with the official military spouses’ motto, “Semper Gumby,” or “Always Flexible.”
“Semper Gumby” is one motto I personally lived by during my 22-year marriage to my exhusband, an officer in the Air Force. We moved eleven times in 22 years, relocated cross-country four times, lived in seven states, owned eight houses, endured countless separations and had three children (including twins), along the way. I was raised an Air Force brat and served twenty years in the Air Force on active duty and in the reserves, but having multiples added an additional dimension to life as a military spouse. When my twins were newborns, I adopted the motto, “Semper Gumby Insomniss,” loose Latin for “Always Flexible Without Sleep.”
Putting all humor aside, the life of a military spouse is not an easy one. They endure the unpredictable work schedule of their spouse, the unwanted and often times short-notice separations, and finally, the uncertainties of war. Military training and deployments will put stress on even the strongest couples and families. Even in times of peace, having a spouse or parent halfway around the world can increase worry, stress, and uncertainty in everyone affected.
Just being a military family takes people away from extended family and friends, and moves them to different states, countries, and cultures. Now multiply that separation by twins, triplets, or more! When military members are away, the spouse is left wearing many hats, juggling many tasks, and holding down the home front. Those tasks are magnified when there are multiple birth children in the mix. I salute those who secure the home front while their husbands (or wives) have been on the front lines. You truly are the “Home Front Soldiers”.
Frequent Moves
Frequently changing stations may be one of the toughest aspects of military life, yet military spouses quickly learn how to do so in an efficient and effective manner. They often single-handedly shoulder the responsibility of getting the household goods and the children prepared for moving, and then relocated and settled into their new home, daycare, school, etc. These “Home Front Soldiers” just seem to have a knack for taking things in stride and making the process look like it is a great adventure. Here are some tips for preparing yourself and your children for those inevitable moves:
- Whenever my family was preparing for a move, I always located and contacted the nearest parents of multiples club in my new hometown, prior to even packing up my old home. Over the years, these clubs were a great outlet for me and my children. Additionally, some of the people I met over the years are now some of my best and lifelong friends.
If you make a house-hunting trip to your new location, bring pictures and videos home to share with your children so they can see what their new home looks like. Let your children pick out their bedrooms and let them describe how they would like to decorate them. This gives the children partial ownership of the move and helps make the transition a little easier.- When you are packing for the move, allow each child to pack a personal box or tote with their favorite toys, books, DVDs, blankets, stuffed animals, and a favorite photo or two. Label their boxes in a conspicuous way (I always used a different color Rubbermaid tote for each child), so you can quickly locate them when the moving
truck arrives at your new home. Better yet, if you have the space, keep those totes with you in your family vehicle as you make the trip. Your children will be happy to have their own comfort items from the start in their new home. (A helpful hint learned from personal experience: Put your television and DVD cords and remote controls in a large plastic bag and bring that with you in your
car. Sometimes it seems that movers intentionally “hide” those important things and you’ll go months before you locate them in a box with, say, your linens and towels. I know…crazy!) - Assure your children that the movers will be taking the rest of your family’s household belongings to the new home. Young children may not grasp this situation and might worry that they may never see their belongings again.
- Work on setting up the kids’ rooms first so they have a comfortable and relaxing place to hang out during the very stressful time of unpacking and setting up your new home.
By preparing your children in advance, parents can help ease their transition and make each move more bearable.
Deployments and other separations
With the support of immediate family typically out of reach, military spouses often have to rely on their own strength, determination, faith, and just “true grit” to get them through. Additionally, they often turn to their tight-knit group of other military spouses for encouragement and support. The same holds true for military parents of multiples. At the end of the day, when you go home to that empty feeling, how do parents of multiples and their children handle those separations?
Here are a few suggestions for coping during a deployment or other separation:
- Be honest and open with your children about the nature of their parent’s deployment/separation.
- Limit the amount of extracurricular activities your children participate in. This will reduce a lot of stress on you as the lone parent.
- Try to maintain a daily and consistent…
Donna May Lyons is a single mother of 20-year-old fraternal twin daughters and a 17-year-old son. She is pleased to report that after twenty years of parenting multiples plus one, her parenting motto is finally “Semper Gumby Omni Nocte Dormiens” (Always Flexible with a Full Night of Sleep). You can connect with Donna May on Facebook and Twitter.
