Last updated on April 26th, 2024 at 11:28 pm
My husband Charlie and I have been blessed with five wonderful children; Aiden-8, Liam-6, Kiernyn-3 and our surprise twins Declan and Shealeigh-22 months! Yes the twins may have been a complete shock but they have brought so much love and adoration to everyone in this house. Being able to be at home with all of them and raise them has just been amazing!
Having twins was certainly more challenging then my second or third child. As a mothers we struggle mentally, making sure that all of our children feel loved and not left out in any way. With twins you have an added challenge; you have to bond with two babies who have their own bond with each other.
I found it very hard to bond with my twins in the hospital, mainly because I was too nervous to be alone with them both. I knew I needed to get over it because when I got home it was going to be all me with them and a 2-year-old. I would just watch the two of them in complete awe. I’d ask myself, “How can I create a bond with each of them?” and “How can I nurture a bond between all of my children?”
When my three sons came to visit us at the hospital I made sure that the babies weren’t in the room when they arrived. I got to spend some quality time with them. We caught up on what’s going on at home and had lots of hugs and kisses! When we were all caught up they asked where the babies were so I let them go to the nursery to get them. They were like three little bodyguards! The two older boys got to hold the babies and of course got to swap so that they each held both, all the while my littlest one was snuggled up with me watching TV. They were all as in love with the babies as me and my husband.
The day I came home from the hospital with the babies I made sure to walk in the house by myself. I hung out with the boys while my husband brought in the babies. I realized I had more work cut out for me this time. I had to continue bonding with my older boys, create a bond with the twins and all the while making sure that all of the children were able to bond together.
Shortly after coming home the visitors started coming by to meet the new babies. I had one major rule: Before you go near the twins you must spend time with the older boys. It wouldn’t take long before they asked if you wanted to meet their new brother and sister. This way it made them feel important and they got to do it on their terms.
I remember when my father came to visit and I noticed the older boys trying to get his attention and when I said something he told me, “They are older. They had their turn — it’s the babies turn now!” I couldn’t believe he said that! It’s the complete opposite; they need it now more then ever.
My boys are natural born helpers so it was easy to incorporate them with simple baby tasks. They were always asking to hold them and feed them so it worked out as a perfect way for them to all bond, and it was. It took me a long time to learn this trick with my husband but this time around I tricked the kids as well. How? Well, with my older children, I would always spoil my husband’s first spotting of a milestone, because I already saw it and would say I did already. Then I’d get the look of disappointment from him and I’d feel the guilt of being home with them catching everything. So this time around I tricked the kids as well. I’d make sure the boys were around the babies more when I new a milestone happened — say, for instance, the babies rolling over or sitting up. This way they would see it and they would think it was the first time. The excitement on their faces was priceless!
Now, for me, bonding with the twins was very different. I actually felt guilty a lot of the time because it was so hard to get one-on-one time with them. They were on the same schedule. I would literally walk around carrying them both because I was afraid to leave one out. If I couldn’t hold both I couldn’t hold either because how do I choose? So I made use of every minute. Making them smile in between burps, tickles during diaper changes, dancing in the kitchen and playing during bath time. They may have had their own bond but I say I succeeded — they both actually said Mama first!
As for continuing to nurture my bond with the older boys it’s all about consistency. Keeping things as normal as possible for them was key. My two oldest were in school so we had to keep up with school events and sports. Since I couldn’t take them or pick them up from school as usual I made sure that the twins were napping when they got home from school. This way it gave us time to talk about their day and get homework done. As for soccer, I made sure we were all at the fields every Sunday cheering them on!
Whether you are bringing home baby number two or number five, it is definitely more work keeping your relationship running smoothly with your older siblings. Doing the little things with them go a long way. Say, for instance, each parent having a one-on-one outing or a “just the big kids” outing. Something as small as sitting on the couch watching a favorite show with them or playing their favorite game with them. These little things make them feel important and loved, and those are some of the biggest emotions we want our children to feel.
Barbara Mehmel is a stay-at-home-mom and blogger. She started blogging shortly after her third child was born because she felt she needed to have a voice. She had to come up with an outlet to keep my creative juices flowing. Along came “Mommy’s Outside Voice“, where she blogs about product reviews.
Are You a New Twin Parent?
Check out Natalie Diaz’s book:
“What To Do When You’re Having Two
The Twin Survival Guide From Pregnancy Through the First Year”
In What to Do When You’re Having Two: The Twins Survival Guide from Pregnancy Through the First Year, national twins guru and founder of Twiniversity (and twin mom herself!) Natalie Diaz provides a no-holds-barred resource about life with twins, from pregnancy and birth all the way through your duo’s first year of life.
Accessible and informative, What to Do When You’re Having Two
is the must-have manual for all parents of twins.
