Last updated on September 30th, 2021 at 10:14 am
I’m sure many of you have seen or heard of the “mommy wars”. Who’s on who’s side? Are you casting parental judgement on others? Breast is best? Vaccinated or unvaccinated? Are you for or against circumcision? Did you do the cry it out method? Do you believe in spankings? Yes, these are all HUGE discussions and personal family decisions but that’s all it is… Personal. Family. Decisions. Just like politics and religion, we live in America and have the right to make the best decisions for ourselves and our families. But there is absolutely no reason we need to rage on with these so called “mommy wars” and cram our personal choices down everyone else’s throats. Or not speak to a long time friend or relative anymore just because of a parental decision that we or they have made.
Just because we all have different opinions on how to raise our children doesn’t mean we cannot pat each other on the back and say, “Good job momma!” Our different parenting styles don’t mean we can’t pick up the pacifier for the mommy that the baby just dropped. Having a difference of opinion on vaccinating our children does not mean we cannot hold the door for each other at Target. And deciding to circumcise or not circumcise our sons doesn’t mean we can’t go to the same play date group.
Let’s get the village back together! But I’m not just talking about our immediate village. THE WHOLE DAMN VILLAGE. Let’s get the village back together and stop judging one another’s parenting techniques and decisions. Instead let’s learn from each other or simply let each other do our own thing without harsh discouraging words. Let’s hold the door for each other and pick up each other’s baby’s pacifiers and maybe even be able to watch other mother’s children for 1 minute while she is checking out at the store and obviously needs help because she is fumbling through her purse with her newborn crying and her toddler ransacking the candy section! I want to jump in and say, “I’ll help you,” without that mother looking at me like I’m trying to steal her baby.
If we’ve made the decision to be a parent, then we are all in this boat together. Instead of reporting each other for stupid trivial nonsense we could be lifting each other up and guiding each other. Instead of separating ourselves into a million tiny villages, we could all be one village. I want to be one village! I want to be able to let my children play in the neighborhood one day and come home at dark without being reported for “free range parenting” or to know that if my child fell down and skinned his knee the mother across the street would help him up and put a Band-aid on it for him. Why is this all so hard? Instead parents nowadays are so scared of each other and their different parenting styles that they all just duck their heads and don’t make eye contact with me or my children.
BUT, in the midst of it all, is my village. Tried and true. Whoever said “it takes a village” was so very, very correct. And that is why I am writing this today. To thank my village.
Mother’s Day is close and I want to acknowledge all the women in my life who have guided me and inspired me and helped me to be the mother that I am today. Without these women — my village — I do not know how I would have gotten through years of infertility treatments and now raising twin boys with both my husband and I working. They are always there to offer advice and to be our support system which we all know is invaluable to first time parents.
This isn’t about thanking them for everything they’ve done for the past 3 years, because they know exactly what they have done. It’s about acknowledging their presence in our life and my gratitude for them. I want to acknowledge something so small and trivial to them but something that meant something to me because at the time that was exactly what I, as a twin mommy needed. It’s the little things…
Mimi — my unconditional, loving, momma — thank you for the fun, silly, naked baby pool party.
Honey — my super supportive mother-in-law — thank you for always.buying.shoes.
Granny — my super compassionate granny-in-law — thank you for letting us come visit Leo.
Kel Kel — my amazingly silly sister-in-law — thank you for always being there.
Nana — my insightful stepmother-in-law — thank you for the reassurance.
And my “ride or die” girls: Tina, thank you for all the park dates and putting Kingston’s shoes on. Mel, my thank you for always getting my mind off of it. Cristina, thank you for letting me watch the last 2 minutes of the game. Leigh, thank you for all the great advice.
And my Mimi, my grandma, even though you’re not with us anymore, thank you for showing your spunky spirit through my boys. I see it. I know you are with us.
Thank you Maggie — my long time patient — for all the funny twin stories and advice. Thanks Julie — my awesome Twiniversity editor — for letting me email you all.the.time. about twins and/or writing. And thank you to the pregnant lady at Target that held the door for me because I was having trouble with the boys in the double stroller. And the mom and her daughter who picked up Kase’s cup when he threw it out of the buggy at the grocery store. I know those sound small but to a mom of twins, alone in a store, a small gesture like that can save the day!
So I want to urge all of you to thank your village! Whether it’s something big or something small, I know they would love a little appreciation.
And maybe one day. One day. We can all be one village.
Mikenzie Oldham is a full-time twin mommy, a full-time wife, a full-time employee, a full-time maid, a full-time chef, and a full-time writer. Juggling life as twin mommy in a kid-centric world, she survives all this with a steady intake of caffeine and wine. She has perfected the phrase “don’t hit your brother” and her main expertise is cleaning mud out of someone’s ear, kissing “owies” and finding four shoes. Check out all her boys’ shenanigans at meandallmyboys.com and follow her on Facebook.
