Last updated on September 30th, 2021 at 10:15 am
Dear Lonely Mom,
I see you. I hear your sighs. I feel your empty gut.The first two years of my zombie-like existence with three babies under two was the loneliest time in my life, despite being surrounded by humans. All the moms were saying, “Being a mommy is the best,” and “Nursing was so easy for me.” I am a failure, I thought. A lonely failure.
You hide behind your babies in church.
You feel uncomfortable in your new mom skin.
You are somebody else’s mommy, wife or daughter.
You feel like you have lost your name.
You are wearing the same clothes you slept in last night and it is 6 pm.
You have not showered since yesterday morning and there is sticky banana in your hair.
You have not slept more than two hours straight for several days.
You walk the same circle a thousand times while holding a teething baby who can’t be soothed.
You have not left your house in three days.
You only go to work, the grocery store and home. You don’t drive after dark.
You simply do not know what day it is, they all run together. You do this all over again tomorrow. And again the next day, and the next.
Then repeat it again. Every single day is the same.
The earth keeps spinning while yours is at a standstill. Stuck.
Stuck home with kids. Stuck home cleaning. Stuck home in pajamas. Stuck home alone with no other adults. Stuck only going to and from work. Stuck.
God sees you. Today I am a friend. A friend offering out a hand to pull you in for a much needed hug. One of those kind of hugs that squeezes your soul. Hug. You will get through this. I am also a friend who has been there too. Who still has moments visiting there on occasion.
Here is what I say now that we have virtual hugged:
Stop it.
Right now, stop. Shake it off momma friend.
Get up right now and go take a shower. Kiddo’s in the bouncy, pack and play, or an episode of Daniel Tiger for just that five minute mom shower. Just enough to shake off that dirt of sadness and complacency.
Get dressed. Yoga pants are fine, but feel good. Not just your frump clothes.
Get out of the house at least once today. A walk to the mailbox, around the block, a trip to get milk, or even better a play date. Let some fresh air and sunshine clear out your weary cob webbed soul from the life on repeat. It is worth the hour long prep. It just is.
Do something that makes you happy today. Paint your nails. Read three paragraphs in a book. Take some photos. Blog. Run. Something that makes your heart feel bright, light and unloaded. One thing.
Call a friend. Text a friend. Connect with an adult. Don’t have any you say? Make that uncomfortable step and join a playgroup, go to a church function, invite a mom over for coffee and fruit snacks. Keep it easy. Don’t wait for others to come to you. I am shy by nature. I get it. If I let that run my life, God would not be able to work in me. Take that step of faith today. Rejection is scary, but loneliness is worse. Moms need each other. Need. We need to encourage each other. Be that for someone else today. Be that. Be yourself, be honest, be relaxed. There are lots of mommas who are feeling just like you today. Lots.
This loneliness you feel may have nothing to do with the physicality of adult human beings in your vicinity. It may have nothing to do with anything above at all. Only the deep, fulfilling love of Jesus Christ can heal that empty place. Only Him. I promise you that the very moment I decided to focus on Jesus instead of myself, my loneliness, my failures as a mom, my inability to – that very moment the tides shifted in my soul. Find a devotional that inspires you.
You are not alone. You are loved. This season of exhaustion will not last forever. It won’t. Reach out today, dear friend, to a human and to Jesus.
Honestly with love,
Rachel
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