Last updated on September 30th, 2021 at 10:16 am
About this time last year, my twin girls were 7 months-old, my son was barely over 2 years-old, my husband worked out of town 4 days out of the week, and every day the guilt of “I should have” weighed me down. My house was a mess – the laundry never finished, the kitchen never cleaned, my bed never made, the toys never put away, etc. It was always a state of chaos. My stress level was at an all-time high. It was then that I decided to have an honest evaluation of my life. Was I lazy? Did I need help? Should I make a schedule? Was I being unrealistic, given my circumstances? I just needed to find the sources of my stress and get rid of them. And you know what? I did it!
I started by writing a list of all the things that bothered me throughout the day. My list was LONG but it felt good to just write it all out. Looking at the list, I realized that some of the things I was complaining about I could not change – some of them I could change. So then I sorted my list by “Circumstances vs. Choices.” Anything I put under “Circumstances” were things that I could not change even if I desperately wanted to. Anything under “Choices” were things that I could change – or were not dependent on something else. Here’s an example of my list:
Circumstances
Deep Cleaning the House – I just couldn’t do EVERYTHING. This was a sacrifice.- Not Seeing my Husband Every Day – I wish I could have. We plan on moving one day.
- My Cracked Heels – Another sacrifice. Who has time for a pedicure?
- Not Being Able to Exercise – I had a gym membership but couldn’t afford the child care and didn’t have reliable babysitting.
- Not Having Clothes That Fit – I had a collection of “pre-baby” and “maternity” – no “right now” clothes.
Choices
- Toys, Toys, Toys – The kids did not need that MANY toys, right?
- Laundry: Clean and Dirty – The kids had so many options that we didn’t have to do laundry for over 2 weeks.
- Tidying Up – If there weren’t so many things able to lie around then tidying up wouldn’t be so bad.
- How Much the TV was On – I just needed to turn it off.
- Never Knowing What to Feed My Kids – It was time to meal-plan.
And that is when I realized that we needed to downsize. I was mostly complaining about cleaning ALL of the things that we had. My happiness was being taken away by things.
I looked around my 3 bedroom house and realized we were the typical consumer family. Our house was packed with furniture. Our closets were filled to the ceiling. Our drawers were shoved full of clothes that we did not even wear anymore. The toy boxes would not close. Then there were the holidays, where I buy baskets and fill them with candies, crayons, chalk, finger paint, little toys, and books. And let’s not get started on birthdays or Christmas!
I started Googling “How to Get Rid of Stuff” (…which is pretty funny because it should not take a Google search to figure that out.) and I found this awesome community of “minimalists” who basically are intentionally living with less.
The first thing I did was start downsizing my stuff before I went through the kids’ stuff. I started with my closet and dresser. I donated everything that I did not like or that did not fit (even if it could fit in the future). Now when I open my closet, I am not staring at my 28 shirts in frustration – instead I happily choose one of my 6 shirts that I love. I keep telling myself that I will, one day, get a few more to add to my wardrobe.
I eventually went through the kids’ toys. I donated 3 full black trash bags of toys to my neighbors and still had enough to fill the toy boxes. I made a vow that day: Every time the kids received new toys as presents we will bless someone with their “old” toys. Then I made another bag of toys that I ended up keeping in the closet. It stayed there for over 10 months before I brought it out. My 3 kids were fighting over 1 toy a few days ago, so I brought that bag out and dumped it — it was like Christmas in September! Then while the kids played with their “new” toys, I bagged up their “old” toys and put those in the closet.
I have been working on simplifying our lives for over a year now, and we have turned off our cable, donated kids clothes, sold furniture, donated endless amounts of knick-knacks… and though we own less – we have so much more!
My house still gets dirty, I still pick up toys every night, we watch Netflix every day, and I might not make my bed every day… but what we have now is manageable. I hope that this post inspires you to simplify your belongings. It’s refreshing to look around at the things you own that you love and want – and not things you bought to “make a space.”
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Kayla Dickens became a mother of 3, in less than 2 years (21 months to be exact). She has a little boy and identical twin girls with her husband of 7 years. If you stop by, you’ll be sure to find her chasing her daredevil, drinking iced tea (hold the lemon), dancing with her twins, making an embroidery hoop, breastfeeding the twins, blogging (Chasing a Daredevil and Twins) or hopefully gardening in the Mojave Desert. If you are interested in finding the tips that inspired her, start here: Becoming Minimalist. Contact her at kayla@twiniversity.com.
