Last updated on December 2nd, 2023 at 09:03 pm
My pregnancy went well, minus horrible all day sickness until 20 weeks. Then at 20 weeks 5 days along I went in for a regularly scheduled appointment to discover that I was 3 centimeters dilated with bulging membranes! To back up a little, I have to say that in hindsight I did show many signs of pre-term labor (backache, menstrual cramps, and increased discharge.) Instead of calling my doctor though I just asked some ladies online and was reassured that this was normal. Now, back to 3 cm dilated.
I knew from the ultrasound tech’s face that something was really, really wrong. When my perinatologist came in and told me I was losing the pregnancy, I went into shock. I just couldn’t wrap my mind around those words. I felt so good, I could feel my babies kicking, how could this be happening? I told him no, no way, there must be something we can do. I didn’t even know I was contracting at that point. He left the room and came back about 5 minutes later. He said to me “You are not a candidate for a cerclage, but if you’re willing to try it, I’m willing to place it.” A cerclage is a surgical procedure where they sew your cervix shut during pregnancy. He went on to explain how a cerclage worked and why I wasn’t a candidate: active labor, bulging membranes, too far dilated and the very slim chance that this would work. I vividly remember him saying that he might be able to buy me a couple days, but he didn’t see how he could get me to viability (24 weeks). I jumped at having a couple more days with my babies. I would have done anything for just another hour with my precious babies.
I was wheeled to the hospital which was connected to my perinatologist’s office. Little did I know, I was moving in. On the way to Labor and Delivery I started to feel constant cramping. They hooked me up and sure enough, I was contracting every 1-2 minutes. They quickly gave me a shot of terbutaline, but soon moved to magnesium. Once they had the magnesium to torturous levels, my contractions started to space out. Soon I was only having 6-7 an hour.
My wonderful, dear husband stood beside me, bathing me in cool washcloths (magnesium makes you HOT!), changing my bedpan, holding my hand, basically being my rock as I felt like my whole world was shifting and crumbling. I was still struggling to wrap my mind around the fact that I was losing my babies; that this was REALLY happening. Honestly I don’t think I ever did accept that. I just couldn’t believe it. I can’t describe the places my mind took me, I just felt like I was in some kind of battle with myself and my body. I tried so hard to relax, have hope, and imagine my body doing what it needed to do to hold these little ones inside. I don’t know if it helped, but it was impossible not to dwell on it every second of every day. That night I took a sleeping aid and as I slept the contractions calmed down.
The next morning, now that my contractions subsided, my perinatologist came in to place the cerclage. Everyone in the room held their breath as he expertly was able to use a balloon to push Baby A’s bag of waters back up and stitch the cerclage closed. At the time of the cerclage I was 4 cm dilated; when he was done I had about 2 cm of cerclage to work with. I thank my perinatologist every day for what he did for us.
Although the surgery went well, he warned us that we still had a huge battle in front of us. Our big enemies now were infection (because the bag of waters was exposed) and increased contractions. He was really good about giving us goals and told us that the next 48 hours were key. If we could get through 72 hours after being dilated, we had crossed the first hurdle. We made it to 72 hours and asked for another goal. Fourteen days with no infection cut our chances of infection way down. And on and on we went.
The weeks between 20 and 24 were the hardest, knowing that they could be born any moment of any day and knowing that if they did they wouldn’t survive. I knew women personally with these stories and I knew the grief they went through. I could hardly stand the thought and sometimes I wished I could just go into a coma and wake up when it was all over. I will say that the mental battle is one of the hardest things you go through on bed rest.
At 24 weeks, we breathed a little easier and were given a tour of the NICU. I read success stories constantly and my ultimate goal was making it past 30 weeks. The weeks continued to pass and I soon became used to living in the hospital. I befriended my nurses and other staff, decorated my room, made myself a schedule, and above all I continued to HOPE.
Around week 28, my contractions started to break through the medication and my cervix was constantly shortening. Within a week or so I would have no cervix left and begin to dilate again. I forgot to mention that I was only on magnesium for the first couple weeks. After that, I was on niphedipine around the clock and had shots of terbutaline as needed. On June 14 (my birthday!) at 31 weeks 3 days my contractions started coming a lot harder and faster. I was contracting regularly every 3-4 minutes and they were painful! My cerclage continued to hold but my cervix was tearing; and man could I feel it! I desperately wanted to walk around and give birth, but at the same time I wasn’t ready to let go of my pregnancy knowing what they would face. Apparently it was time though.
On June 16 – at 31 weeks 5 days (exactly 11 weeks after I was admitted to the hospital; I broke their ante-partum record!) – my perinatologist removed my cerclage. My twins were born vaginally 2 hours later, 1 minute apart. Abby came headfirst screaming and Ethan came feet first, not breathing at first but he came though.
They stayed in the NICU for 30 days and did very well. Today they are happy, healthy 7 month olds with no lingering effects from their prematurity. I am still deeply affected and struggle to this day with guilt and regret. But then I think of what we went through and am overwhelmed with gratitude at what I have been given. My children are alive and well against all odds. I hope our story brings other parents hope.
Written by MoM Amanda
Know the signs of pre-term labor
